Time: my greatest enemy

[Blandit]

I am so angry with myself! I am nearly always late. I have a hard time switching to different things and I also have many things that I will do before I leave the house; mainly picking up and cleaning. I also have an aversion to leaving the house, although I leave it several times nearly every day. I hate being early but prefer to arrive just in the nick of time. (partially because if you're early, you have to sit around and wait and possibly talk to people who are also waiting) I don't give myself any margin of time but I am driven to arrive exactly on the dot.

This has always been a great problem for me. In high school art, when drawing a self-portrait, I drew a clock behind me, in the background, with the hands of the clock replaced by an arm holding a gun pointed at my head. It doesn't matter if the destination is somewhere I want to go, either.

The truth is, the stress of having to stop what I am doing and leave my home environment is repulsive and upsetting to me. I hate it. All of my life I have been doing things that I don't want to do. Even these simple things that no one else that I know has a problem with. (I do not have a phobia, I just don't like stimulus of the outside world. I don't like the stimulus in my home when everyone is in it at the same time; there's 8 of us and it feels like 100!)

It is causing problems. (how am I ever going to be a teacher!) People are very annoyed with me, especially at my children's schools. My poor little son (5) cried today after school. He told me he missed playtime today at his preschool because I was late again. He said, "Mommy, we should have left earlier!" (even a 5 year old knows the answer to my problem! I felt like such a jerk) I have noticed that my 19 year old daughter follows my pattern. She is stressed out because of it. Unlike me, she does not do it for the reasons I stated, she just doesn't give herself enough time. She is rarely late, but she speeds alot and is grouchy because of it.

What can I do? How can I train myself to break this habit? I have already tried putting my clocks forward 5 minutes but it drives my husband crazy (he must have accuracy) and I know that I still have 5 more minutes!

Any advice? Does anyone else do this? How can something so simple be so hard?!

[renaeden]

I once had someone else set my clocks forward without me knowing. It worked very well the first few times!
When I worked I had a huge problem getting to work on time. Part of the problem was solved with medication, I admit that. Another thing I did was use the clock as a sort of timetable. So I had to be dressed by 5:20, shoes and socks by 5:25, hair done by 5:30, breakfast eaten by 5:40 and so on. This is just an example and does require a lot of clock watching.
But by doing this, I was able to be at work on time, not too early (I hate that too) and not too late. It wasn't all fixed overnight but it did work in the end.
I am hoping this helps.

[SomethingElse]

I find it impossible to be on time too. I think it is mostly that I can't stand to leave my house until as late as possible. That's also stopped me from bothering to go on a field trip today. I'm rarely THAT late to work because I ended up getting a warning but I'm meant to be there five minutes early and I'm always a few minutes late.

[odeon]

I'm just the opposite--I obsess about being on time, so what happens is that I end up getting to my appointment or whatever early, and have to wait. Being two minutes late used to be a complete disaster for me, and could easily ruin my day.

[SomethingElse]

That tends to be the other extreme on occassions where I know I HAVE to be on time and so panic and make sure I leave with way too much time. But most of the time I prefer being a little late now (since I realised I can't get in trouble for being late to uni) so I don't have to wait around. I hate waiting around.

[Aspen]

I used to have this problem, but my husband is very punctual and punctuality is just as important to him as it is to Odeon, so I have had to force myself to leave the house five or ten minutes earlier every time to account for contingencies. I would prefer to be exactly on time, but if I am a few minutes early it is better than being too late.

[Sophist]

Like odeon, I'm just the opposite and am very time anal. Actually, I don't even like being "on time". I always need to be early because it makes it easier for me to get used to the environment, even if I've been there before. Plus, with classes, somehow being the first person there almost makes it like it's somehow my territory and everyone else is entering into it. So it makes me calmer. For classes, I'm almost always at least there a half hour ahead of time, and sometimes earlier.

I despise being late; to me, being on-time is being late, too, because only one minute later and you are late. I need time to calm down and relax before things start up. I also tend to demand timeliness from others around me. It stresses me out when someone's late. Although I usually prefer they come on time rather than early.

Bland, for you, maybe getting a little alarm PDA or something where you can put in alarm schedules may help a bit. If a little ding is going off incessantly, it's harder to ignore it and might help give you that little extra push out the door, reluctant though you may be.

[odeon]

I agree with Sophist; a PDA with alarm functionality can be the way to go, if there are snooze functions.

I hate when people arrive early, btw. It makes me very uncomfortable. If I'm early to an appointment, I usually take a walk or hide somewhere until it's time--anything to not have to go in too early. My ideal time is one or two minutes before the agreed time.

[Blandit]

Ug! I hate alarm clocks! I really despise arriving early, even by one minute! (like Benji) I hate having to sit in a waiting room or hallway or classroom with others and feeling like I have to make small talk. I did manage to make it on time last Friday and was very proud of myself. (the principal at the elementary actually gave me a pat on the back! Now that's embarrassing!) My husband is like Sophist. He insists on being early but then he is extremely extroverted and social. He is weird about it. He considers it late if you're on time. (why did I marry my antithesis??!!! )

It wouldn't be so bad if I only had myself to worry about but I also have at least 4 others to pick-up and deliver at various times throughout the day. (The older two are on their own, lucky for them! Now they can arrive on time!)

Alarms and clockwatching drive me crazy and make me very nervous and irritable. And nothing irks me more than to watch my husband leisurely cook himself breakfast and drink his coffee on the deck while I am rushing around the house trying to ready the children and get everyone to the car on time! Then on the way, he will look at me and say something stupid like, "Why are you so uptight?".

I am going to be early and just sit in the parking lot or whatever until it is time to go into the building. I have to remember some relaxation techniques! Also, my spiritual life has been somewhat lax lately and I think that this results in added stress. (or inability to handle life as effectively; however you want to look at it).

Thanks for the input. I do feel better but I am sure this is going to be a lifelong battle. If only I didn't mind leaving the house.........

[goddessoflubbock]

Blandit - I am one of those has to be there early people, but sometimes I race too fast and get there ridiculously early, so then I will sit in my car and wait. If there are people around I'll read something, even if it has to be the car manual, just so I look busy!

You may want to work on the early thing, then just hang out somewhere away from the crowd until it's "time".

(I'm married to a procrastinator - the man will be late to his own funeral I swear! It's a difficult union at times when we HAVE to be somewhere.)