I am so angry with myself! I am nearly always late. I have a hard time switching to different things and I also have many things that I will do before I leave the house; mainly picking up and cleaning. I also have an aversion to leaving the house, although I leave it several times nearly every day. I hate being early but prefer to arrive just in the nick of time. (partially because if you're early, you have to sit around and wait and possibly talk to people who are also waiting) I don't give myself any margin of time but I am driven to arrive exactly on the dot.
This has always been a great problem for me. In high school art, when drawing a self-portrait, I drew a clock behind me, in the background, with the hands of the clock replaced by an arm holding a gun pointed at my head. It doesn't matter if the destination is somewhere I want to go, either.
The truth is, the stress of having to stop what I am doing and leave my home environment is repulsive and upsetting to me. I hate it. All of my life I have been doing things that I don't want to do. Even these simple things that no one else that I know has a problem with. (I do not have a phobia, I just don't like stimulus of the outside world. I don't like the stimulus in my home when everyone is in it at the same time; there's 8 of us and it feels like 100!)
It is causing problems. (how am I ever going to be a teacher!) People are very annoyed with me, especially at my children's schools. My poor little son (5) cried today after school. He told me he missed playtime today at his preschool because I was late again. He said, "Mommy, we should have left earlier!" (even a 5 year old knows the answer to my problem! I felt like such a jerk) I have noticed that my 19 year old daughter follows my pattern. She is stressed out because of it. Unlike me, she does not do it for the reasons I stated, she just doesn't give herself enough time. She is rarely late, but she speeds alot and is grouchy because of it.
What can I do? How can I train myself to break this habit? I have already tried putting my clocks forward 5 minutes but it drives my husband crazy (he must have accuracy) and I know that I still have 5 more minutes!
Any advice? Does anyone else do this? How can something so simple be so hard?!
Right here, right now; this is where it's at.