I've been gone for a long time - I thought I was doing better and enjoying communicating when I first wrote, but then I had some problems and went back into my shell. I'm more of a hermit crab, always changing shape and color when I can - but it remains a shell.
But what has me writing again to say once more that yes, I personally am convinced that there are enough variants of Borderline Personality Disorder so that it can happen to most anyone who suffers diffuse anxiety, low self esteem and is capable of feeling intensely, even if you cannot share these feelings easily with another.
Emotionally I've always felt that I feel things way too deeply (even if my Mother did claim that I was like a stick of wood) and I've just came across a study whose abstract I would like to share with you all ("...data show that while the AS group scored lower on the measures of cognitive empathy and theory of mind, they were no different from controls on one affective empathy scale of the IRI (empathic concern), and scored higher than controls on the other (personal distress)"). http://www.springerlink.com/content/j2k1732t42110565/
Depression and anxiety, low self esteem, trouble with narrative identity (identity diffusion) are core elements of both. And even if we suppose the bottom line of BPD is emotional dysregulation - what does that mean? It does not turn you into a Drama Queen if you have no previous inclination for hysterics, it does turn you into someone who is suffering intense ups and downs most often in reaction to socially charged encounters - i.e. social anxiety and there is not an Aspie alive that does not know what it means to suffer socially. So you as an Aspie could already be flipping out on a daily basis, totally unable to control the ups and downs, but perhaps thanks to your Aspie mask no one will know you are emotionally bleeding to death, one drop at a time. Until the fateful day arrives when there's massive interpersonal trauma re-traumatizing the massive interpersonal trauma that already hit that you when you were still a child.
Anxious as you were to begin with, your anxiety level is now going to soar off the Richter scale, confusion will reign, and you could be in for the longest "meltdown" of your life. (And most Aspies I imagine know about "meltdowns"). And most Aspie women when their emotion regulator gets stuck on meltdown, will be in such excruciating psychic pain, that they will be drowning in a sea of anguish. ( Anguish is an emotion - as emotive as they come.) Most of us flap our arms around (or some other quasi psychotic gesture) before resining ourselves to drowning; just that is enough "acting out" to get an Aspie women dx'd BPD. And she may be Aspie, but what the psy will see is that 1) she's a woman 2)there's trauma - probably gross sexual trauma 3) permanent freefloating anxiety 4) prone to states of dysphoric frustration or anger and then 5) then the idea of a HFA might cross his mind, but he'll remember again that she's a women, and hence will dx BPD and not Aspbergers.
What I found insulting in the BPD dx is the popular view of impulsivity and of people going to bizarre lengths so as not to be abandoned attached to it. Examples I've found seem alien and insulting to my nature. But abandonment redefined as what one suffers in silence with obsessive ruminations over the one you've lost for months or even years - well I can relate to that. Also this idea of manipulation is absurd - stemming form the fact that neither BPD's or Aspies know how or dare to come right out and ask for something. If those with BPD were truly successful manipulators no one would feel manipulated. The sad truth is that they are in a lot of pain and so desperate to find someone who can alleviate the pain that they reach out/strike out blindly. This provokes intense "counter-reactions" and hence they are accused of manipulating. And Aspies are even worse off here, not able to have much of a clue to distinguish true and fiction in daily dealings, or how to provoke much of anything, and so totally vulnerable to predators of one kind or another.