Taking Action

[Belfast]

This could just as easily go under the monthly threads, but admit I haven't been keeping up with them-and my post contains items for which I "took action".

1. Today I went to dentist for routine check up & exam, had to delay it a couple months until I got Medicaid coverage again so I could afford the appt. Took my 2 Ativan 1 & 1/2 hr. beforehand to quell my terror). Made appt. for a month from now, for a filling (will be darned unpleasant).

My ex still drives me there & back (I can't drive & the dentist is located at a distance), and holds my hand while I'm being worked on. He may no longer be my bf, but he remains my "medical support person".

2. Yesterday I finally got to meet the local woman who has ASD, with whom I'd been emailing back & forth for a few wks., as well as making a few comments to her posts-I linked to her blog in other thread:
viewtopic.php?f=23&t=2823

Figured some folks might like to hear the good news, esp. since I had anxiety* about meeting a stranger.
* This is what I wrote beforehand:
"Can't help but to look forward to it, despite knowing that only amps up one's expectations (sets one up for disappointment). Regardless of how it turns out, it'll be a useful social experiment for us both, give us a shared experience to discuss & dissect."
It turned out fine.

Most recent post there (July 27) makes mention of our meeting for first time & how well it went, so if you'd like to read it:
http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/2009/07 ... ie-friend/

3. Another change I'm confronting voluntarily (though not without struggle!), and this is how I explained it in email to my counselor:
"Have been attending womens' group at the clinic twice a week for past year. Decided to take a break/hiatus for a bit-and instead spend time elsewhere downtown. I need (and want) to meet people other than solely clinic clients (or employees, whom one's prohibited from socializing with anyway).

Haven't settled into a "new normal" (routine) yet. Transition process (being in phase between what one WAS doing & what one WILL be doing) is inherently confusing.
"Novelty" is scary because I don't know what the heck I'm doing (feel underqualified & ill-equipped) and there's too much unrehearsed material to keep track of all at once."

Switch-from going to group in mornings to instead spending time on streets in afternoon-starts this week, Thursday. ScaryExciting. (that's all one word to me, for uncertain stuff that contains equal measures of both fears & thrills).

4. And last Friday, I went to my 3rd meeting of a group between mental-health-care consumers and a bureaucrat (though a nice one) who chairs the meeting. It takes place once a month so I don't get much chance to practice getting comfortable/used to it. Despite being mute & withdrawn the 1st time I went, the 2 subsequent occasions were better & I've been more able to participate, "come out of my shell".

All these tasks involve getting around (leaving the house), and my ex deserves credit for being reliable (if reluctant) transporter of me-were it not for him, I'd not have been able to take these actions.

But I also know I'm supposed to be proud of myself for summoning up the focus & decisiveness to try doing these new things, expanding my world (albeit at snail's pace), and following through on my gradual, modest plans.

[Sophist]

It sounds like you're making some quite impressive changes, Belfast. Good for you.

[Aspen]

Way to go, Belfast. Wow, you have ben busy.

How does the Ativan affect you, other than reduce your anxiety? Does it make you sleep?

[Belfast]

It sounds like you're making some quite impressive changes, Belfast. Good for you.

Way to go, Belfast. Wow, you have ben busy.

Takes a lot of effort (coordination of cooperation from other parties) & attention to create enough worthwhile occupation.

How does the Ativan affect you, other than reduce your anxiety? Does it make you sleep?

The dose in each pill is quite small, 0.5 mg, so I can take as few or as many as I think I'll need in each case. Few years ago, I was rx'd it daily, now I only take on "as needed" basis (less than once a month).
Makes me feel loopy, drowsy, dizzy, and later on, nauseous/woozy. But that's preferable to the degree of anxiety, tension, and fear evoked by having medical stuff done to me.

Given my peculiar lack of sleep schedule, it's hard to attribute causation to the meds. Plus, I feel so relieved after the appt. that I get a bit giddy/euphoric (no longer being in "dread" mode), because the procedure is finished (no longer pending & uncertain). Being tired (a few hours later) also makes sense, as delayed consequence of the previous hours of adrenaline coursing through my system. So it's tough to separate out the contributors (that act upon each other) leading to final result.

Walked to the grocery store this evening & felt rather strange (even moreso than usual), as I'm still feeling the effects-but I figured I might as well make use of being in this medicated state, and do something productive. Know I won't be washing dishes until tomorrow, because I'd make a mess & probably break something, in my current "temporarily impaired" state.

[adhocisadirtyword]

Awesome, Belfast! I'm especially glad things went well with the local woman. There's always a lot of anxiety before meeting someone new, but it sounds like you both had a good time.

Did you find that you had a lot in common with each other?

[goddessoflubbock]

Belfast, that's awesome. It's one step at a time, for most things in life. I'm so happy for you.

It's wonderful that your ex, reluctant or not, is willing to step up and help you get where you need to go.

I need to be heavily medicated for dental visits also. I can't make the appt too far in advance or I get too stressed.

[Sophist]

I avoid dental visits altogether.

[oscilor]

How does the Ativan affect you, other than reduce your anxiety? Does it make you sleep?

The dose in each pill is quite small, 0.5 mg, so I can take as few or as many as I think I'll need in each case. Few years ago, I was rx'd it daily, now I only take on "as needed" basis (less than once a month).
Makes me feel loopy, drowsy, dizzy, and later on, nauseous/woozy. But that's preferable to the degree of anxiety, tension, and fear evoked by having medical stuff done to me.

Given my peculiar lack of sleep schedule, it's hard to attribute causation to the meds. Plus, I feel so relieved after the appt. that I get a bit giddy/euphoric (no longer being in "dread" mode), because the procedure is finished (no longer pending & uncertain). Being tired (a few hours later) also makes sense, as delayed consequence of the previous hours of adrenaline coursing through my system. So it's tough to separate out the contributors (that act upon each other) leading to final result.

I am writing under the influence of diazepam, occasioned by a psychiatrist appt yesterday. I have only had about 4 hours sleep for the last 3 nights, and then I get more wound up trying to stay awake and then am too wound up to sleep, so even though the appt went well I was too wound up to sleep. I got the pills and wanted to have a nap, but then a social worker phoned and there was another surge of anxiety, so I didn't sleep but just feel relaxed and dopey.

[Civet]

Lately I have been making sure to work more. I'm trying to pull myself out of financial troubles and also do better at my work. I am trying to communicate better with my boss as well, and after I sent him my in progress work on a recent project (which he apparently was thinking I might be better off stopping on and doing something simpler instead) he liked it and told me to continue with how I was going. I'm glad because I want more of a presence of my own art in this project than there has been thus far.

[Sophist]

Had a good long convo with my new PhD mentor; we came up with some good ideas for projects.

Also, have been trying to keep up with reading material. There's always more I could read but I think I'm doing fairly well. This weekend will try to read some more, and also have a Battelstar Galactica marathon with JNSQ and his youngest daughter.

Orientation starts next week. I've already got my second publication submitted.

[Belfast]

Met up with the local woman from ASD blog for a second visit, today.
On this occasion we did 2 hours instead of 1, and the time still flew by (a good sign). I showed her how to weave friendship bracelets (since she was curious), and we had more time to "just" talk. I still get nervous beforehand (that's how I tend to be with anything), but it turned out fine.
It's fun (feels "normal" in a good way), and I hope to do so again soon.

Yesterday I went for my annual exam at gynecologist (it was a whole procrastination situation even making myself call them up to make an appointment in the first place), and I was told that things seemed fine, which is always a relief. The practitioner was nice to me & wasn't put off by my personality/presentation, and these matter a great deal-esp. since I anticipate others reacting poorly to me. It's a medical interaction, but the social component can add extra anxiety.

Tuesday I went to library (must have more books to feed the beast in my brain !), post office, and a few other places-sounds simple, but it's difficult for me (continuing to work on my tenacious agoraphobia, practicing being out & about downtown).

[goddessoflubbock]

Yesterday I went for my annual exam at gynecologist (it was a whole procrastination situation even making myself call them up to make an appointment in the first place), and I was told that things seemed fine, which is always a relief. The practitioner was nice to me & wasn't put off by my personality/presentation, and these matter a great deal-esp. since I anticipate others reacting poorly to me. It's a medical interaction, but the social component can add extra anxiety.

I try to avoid all unnecessary conversation and eye contact during those visits. These are "live through it" appointments where I don't think I breathe til it's over

[ruth]

I'm giving Ulysses another attempt and with the determination to finish it. I hate backing away from a challenge. Devised a method to make the reading more enjoyable and the comprehension easier and it's working.

[Sophist]

Good luck!