AANE art show over

[Belfast]

AANE had an exhibit of artwork by adults with Asperger's Syndrome-and I had whole ordeal in deciding whether & how to even attempt to particpate, but eventually did so. The show was at a few different venues around Boston, starting last September-it concluded a couple weeks ago.

This is only press coverage I could find about it-pretty skimpy, but at least a piece of one my drawings made it onto the graphic/image atop the story.
http://www.bu.edu/today/2008/06/02/art- ... asperger-s
There's stripe of 6 squares, each taken from different works-mine is second from left: black & white, geometric/abstract, stippled/pointillism dots.

Feel ridiculous bringing this up because it just seems icky to talk about ("promote") self this way. This intense, excruciating reticence/reluctance is major obstacle to "doing" something or "getting" somewhere with art-making.

Sold a drawing to the curator (one of the organizers of exhibit & parent of adult son w/AS), which is good (don't get me started on the struggle with inner conflict I underwent just to manage that). Yet I know better than to expect that to happen again, since my work isn't on display anywhere now (it just sits piled in my apartment).

Also, doesn't feel like it "counts" having someone who is part of organization (making exhibit happen) buy it, compared with total stranger from "general public". Like I still couldn't compete in the art marketplace against other artists' works, because my stuff just seems so amateurish & limited...

[Sophist]

I think you consider yourself too negatively, Belfast. I don't say that in any shaming or emotional way; just matter-of-factly. Your artwork I have found highly interesting, and while you may never be a Rembrandt or a Picasso, your work seems much better than you give it credit.

Don't ever hesitate to show your artwork here. Know that we want to see it, so you never have to feel like you're attention seeking. If that thought still makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you'd feel easier posting your work in your journal? Or opening a "visual" journal?

Did you go attend the reception on June 3rd?

[Belfast]

I think you consider yourself too negatively, Belfast. I don't say that in any shaming or emotional way; just matter-of-factly. Your artwork I have found highly interesting, and while you may never be a Rembrandt or a Picasso, your work seems much better than you give it credit.

Don't ever hesitate to show your artwork here. Know that we want to see it, so you never have to feel like you're attention seeking. If that thought still makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you'd feel easier posting your work in your journal? Or opening a "visual" journal?

Want my stuff to be seen, I just don't want to have to explain or talk about the drawings (same way I feel about my mazes). Want my works to get attention (if they merit it, according to audience/viewers)-just not comfortable with having attention on me as a result. Is that (distinction) understandable ?
Plus I feel guilty if I sound in the least bit pleased with myself-it strikes me as boastful, which invites bad things to happen (in my world view of superstitious social causation).
Yet I thought it would be nice of me to admit, "see, this is not so bad"-about how things turned out with participating in art show, esp. since I did discuss (on Gestalt)* my qualms & uncertainty before & during decision process. Like, If I share my worries, I ought (to be fair) and share when there's "okay" (or neutral) news as well. Even though I feel more comfortable complaining, and more like I'm tempting fate if I acknowledge something turned out alright. Y'know ?

Did you go attend the reception on June 3rd?

I didn't go to the receptions-too far to travel. There were 5 separate venues, from debut through closure. Did attend initial opening, because that was part of the big ASD conference (feat. Attwood & Gray) I attended in Boston (which I wrote about here, back in September).

*Excerpts that I wrote here then, about that...
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1289&start=30

Went to the art show which began at end of day's sessions at 5 p.m. because I wanted to see how my things looked framed & also what other people had exhibited. Especially liked the work of a couple folks: Sharleene Hurst and Sarah Eisenmann. Those appealed to me because of similar aesthetic to mine. Met a couple people who were behind setting up the show (making it happen)-they were pleased to finally meet me (which was a pleasant surprise for me), after having seen my drawings & our having exchanged emails for almost a year about this project.

Then we went downstairs to see the art exhibit setup, which was in same room as all these sponsor tables (incl. Autism Speaks and various schools & products) with pamphlets (nothing relevant to me, as a dx'd person). One book publisher had table, selection of offerings was disappointingly limited-once I could get through huge crowd ringing whole area and see what the books were. Boyfriend found someone to talk with in art show room, I had nothing to do (sitting alone in chair in there was so dull but all I could manage) so walked up & down the staircases a few times, circling around after crossing floor to stairs on other side. It was attempt to familiarize myself with routes throughout building, since I kept getting confused & lost-also it was something to do, when I couldn't do anything else. Had no role to inhabit because being "an artist" is devoid of meaning to me & I had no way to just start conversing with strangers. We left before the reception ended because of aforementioned factors, in addition to which I was bored (underwhelmed cognitively & aesthetically).

Interest was expressed in buying the 2 artworks which I had displayed but weren't for sale (I did have 2 others that were for sale, ones I wasn't attached to)-my reactions to that are mixed, am both pleased & stressed. Have intense long-standing irreconcilable (so far) feelings about the whole issue of selling, pricing, creating things-but that's another thread. The art show moves on to other locations early next year, don't expect I'll be going to those exhibit openings, though.

[Sophist]

Want my stuff to be seen, I just don't want to have to explain or talk about the drawings (same way I feel about my mazes). Want my works to get attention (if they merit it, according to audience/viewers)-just not comfortable with having attention on me as a result. Is that (distinction) understandable ?

Ah I see. Is it a discomfort in doing any talking about your work, or particular topics, like the always-annoying "What made you do that?" or "What does it mean?"

Plus I feel guilty if I sound in the least bit pleased with myself-it strikes me as boastful, which invites bad things to happen (in my world view of superstitious social causation).
Yet I thought it would be nice of me to admit, "see, this is not so bad"-about how things turned out with participating in art show, esp. since I did discuss (on Gestalt)* my qualms & uncertainty before & during decision process. Like, If I share my worries, I ought (to be fair) and share when there's "okay" (or neutral) news as well. Even though I feel more comfortable complaining, and more like I'm tempting fate if I acknowledge something turned out alright. Y'know ?

Ah, kind of like a jinx almost?

I'd personally like to see more of your non-maze work, to see what it's like. I'm very curious. Other than your avatar, I haven't seen any work but your mazes (which I really like also).

[renaeden]

I like the mazes, they are clear and that is pleasing to me. So is the mandala type art. I sometimes download mandalas from the internet, colour them in and then stick them up (they are mostly on our computer room door).

Yes, I would like to see more of your art, Belfast.

[Belfast]

Ah I see. Is it a discomfort in doing any talking about your work, or particular topics, like the always-annoying "What made you do that?" or "What does it mean?"

Those questions make me crazy. The blah-blah-blah lies in post hoc determinations & interpretations of those folks who are not me (can't imagine their perspective). I just make stuff-the works have no meaning other than investment of my physical effort (hand pain) and hours of staring at picture while working on it, wondering what the h*ll do I do next with this thing ?

"Art" is psychologically oversensitive place/subject-I get way too worked up & not always in a good (pleasant, respectful, fair) way.
Disclaimer-I'm not bipolar, it's just that I have both over-inflated & undernourished ego at same time-leaving me stuck in indecision.
I've intensely contradictory reactions towards "art"-and in how it relates to me specifically.
On the one hand, "art" is stupid bullsh*t scam between buyer & seller (or creator). On the other hand, some of it really is wonderful (to behold & to make).

Sometimes I feel like my stuff is super fabulous & sometimes I feel like my stuff is just not nearly good enough. These are overwhelming states, filling me with massive anxiety/fear (wanting to hide) as well as impatience & frustration about how to get this terrifying thing called opportunity for exposure (having people see my stuff which carries risk of people being aware of me).

Ah, kind of like a jinx almost?

Yes, Murphy''s Law writ large. Also other reasons, including Tall Poppy syndrome ("picking off"-or picking on-the person who stands up or stands out)-how people talk smack about people they've heard of but don't personally know (genuine perils of even minor public attention/fame).

I'd personally like to see more of your non-maze work, to see what it's like. I'm very curious. Other than your avatar, I haven't seen any work but your mazes (which I really like also).

I like the mazes, they are clear and that is pleasing to me. So is the mandala type art. I sometimes download mandalas from the internet, colour them in and then stick them up (they are mostly on our computer room door).
Yes, I would like to see more of your art, Belfast.

Thanks for your positive reactions, despite my wariness of even bringing up topic.

I'd like to share more of my laboriously detailed doodles but don't know how to make it possible. Unlike my mazes, my drawings aren't posted online. All I know how to do (and can barely manage that much) is attach an image file to an email.
This has been a growing issue for me that I've been struggling with-conflicting emotional drives as to how to proceed: getting/having a website.

Nervous about figuring out how to do it-confusing decisions (a blog composed solely of my artworks ?) and technical limitations.
My brain goes blank trying to comprehend technological computer online stuff. Only have dial-up connection, so pictures move very slowly (uploading/downloading). My boyfriend understands these things better, he has DSL at his place & could (maybe) scan my drawings in & somehow (?) post them to my (mythical, nonexistent as of yet) website. My counselor mentioned Google but I'm still baffled by where to begin. Any wisdom to suggest (how to narrow down prospects) ?

[Sophist]

Ah I see. Is it a discomfort in doing any talking about your work, or particular topics, like the always-annoying "What made you do that?" or "What does it mean?"

Those questions make me crazy. The blah-blah-blah lies in post hoc determinations & interpretations of those folks who are not me (can't imagine their perspective). I just make stuff-the works have no meaning other than investment of my physical effort (hand pain) and hours of staring at picture while working on it, wondering what the h*ll do I do next with this thing ?

I feel like I have slightly more emotional investment in my work, but, YES, I completely understand. Whenever somebody asks me such a question, my first impulse is either to slap them or run away screaming. Of course, I have never done either no matter how tempting; I usually just stand there saying, "Uhhhhh...".

"Art" is psychologically oversensitive place/subject-I get way too worked up & not always in a good (pleasant, respectful, fair) way.
Disclaimer-I'm not bipolar, it's just that I have both over-inflated & undernourished ego at same time-leaving me stuck in indecision.
I've intensely contradictory reactions towards "art"-and in how it relates to me specifically.
On the one hand, "art" is stupid bullsh*t scam between buyer & seller (or creator). On the other hand, some of it really is wonderful (to behold & to make).

I hate the bullsh** of the "Art World". The critics, ridiculous ideas about "high art"-- stuff that has deep symbolism in it. BAH!

Ironically, it's oftentimes the people considered "low artists" who are making a living off their art. So the critics can critique as much as they want.

Sometimes I feel like my stuff is super fabulous & sometimes I feel like my stuff is just not nearly good enough. These are overwhelming states, filling me with massive anxiety/fear (wanting to hide) as well as impatience & frustration about how to get this terrifying thing called opportunity for exposure (having people see my stuff which carries risk of people being aware of me).

Yes, I often feel the same conflict. Usually I just try really hard not to think about it and let what happens happen.

I'd personally like to see more of your non-maze work, to see what it's like. I'm very curious. Other than your avatar, I haven't seen any work but your mazes (which I really like also).

I like the mazes, they are clear and that is pleasing to me. So is the mandala type art. I sometimes download mandalas from the internet, colour them in and then stick them up (they are mostly on our computer room door).
Yes, I would like to see more of your art, Belfast.

Thanks for your positive reactions, despite my wariness of even bringing up topic.

I'd like to share more of my laboriously detailed doodles but don't know how to make it possible. Unlike my mazes, my drawings aren't posted online. All I know how to do (and can barely manage that much) is attach an image file to an email.
This has been a growing issue for me that I've been struggling with-conflicting emotional drives as to how to proceed: getting/having a website.

Nervous about figuring out how to do it-confusing decisions (a blog composed solely of my artworks ?) and technical limitations.
My brain goes blank trying to comprehend technological computer online stuff. Only have dial-up connection, so pictures move very slowly (uploading/downloading). My boyfriend understands these things better, he has DSL at his place & could (maybe) scan my drawings in & somehow (?) post them to my (mythical, nonexistent as of yet) website. My counselor mentioned Google but I'm still baffled by where to begin. Any wisdom to suggest (how to narrow down prospects) ?

If you can send them to me as jpegs in an email, I can alter the size and upload them for you, if you like.

[ruth]

I would love to see more of your work, Belfast. Your avatar is beautiful. Is that considered a mandala? I love art that is composed of a pattern or patterns. Color and geometry (geometric patterns) together are fascinating to me. The colors in your avatar are very beautiful. I hope you learn how to upload images and won't be reticent to share your work. Although, I understand your dilemma and conflict. But really, what is the gallery for if not to exhibit and share?

I like to think of it like this: If you (universal or generic you) were a shoemaker, and loved being a shoemaker, and loved the shoes that you made it would be a pity to let them pile up in your shop gathering dust when people could be wearing them and appreciating their fine quality and workmanship and you could earn a living and reputation as a damned good cobbler. It would be incredibly poor spirited for anyone to say "Who does that shoemaker think she/he is, putting her/his shoes in the shop window. What conceit! " Painting, composing music, writing, making shoes, cooking, sewing, etc., all passionate endeavors are worthwhile ways of using the time we have been given, and all deserve recognition, appreciation, and reward, material or emotional. IMO

[Sophist]

Well said, ruth.

[Belfast]

If you can send them to me as jpegs in an email, I can alter the size and upload them for you, if you like. :)

Bear with me, 'cause my mind is terrible at this so-called simple stuff.

Does that mean you'd put it/them on Photobucket (place you put my avatar)-and then somehow (?) that allows image(s) to be displayed here, through/at Gestalt Gallery thread ? I can retain copyright to my own stuff even if it's posted online (know Gestalt is cool with that, but what about Photobucket ?), I hope.

I would love to see more of your work, Belfast. Your avatar is beautiful. Is that considered a mandala? I love art that is composed of a pattern or patterns. Color and geometry (geometric patterns) together are fascinating to me. The colors in your avatar are very beautiful.

Thank you. I call them mandalas not for philosophical reasons (I leave that to spiritual people) but as shorthand for aesthetic resemblance ("geometric pattern of images" & "concentric arrangement" are mandala features). Yes, my avatar is a (colored pencil on black paper) mandala. If I didn't call them that, I'd have to use longer clunky phrase that's unwieldy, like "symmetrical abstract organic stylized handmade doodled designs"...

I hope you learn how to upload images and won't be reticent to share your work.

Me too. Talking through (or in this case, writing through) how it might happen (with the people here) is helpful.

Although, I understand your dilemma and conflict. But really, what is the gallery for if not to exhibit and share?

I like to think of it like this: If you (universal or generic you) were a shoemaker, and loved being a shoemaker, and loved the shoes that you made it would be a pity to let them pile up in your shop gathering dust when people could be wearing them and appreciating their fine quality and workmanship and you could earn a living and reputation as a damned good cobbler. It would be incredibly poor spirited for anyone to say "Who does that shoemaker think she/he is, putting her/his shoes in the shop window. What conceit! " Painting, composing music, writing, making shoes, cooking, sewing, etc., all passionate endeavors are worthwhile ways of using the time we have been given, and all deserve recognition, appreciation, and reward, material or emotional. IMO

I bolded the piece that a part of me most identifies with-the competing urge (against fear of my vulnerability to success and failure) to get the appreciation/enjoyment (for my work) before I'm dead. Have many pictures cluttering up my home because I have nowhere to store things, and I could make money (though that's a whole other subset of paradoxical anxieties, about negotiation & "value" or "worth"). If my stuff is so nifty, then I want to be around for that-it's just hard to get the rest of myself to go along/cooperate.

I italicized the part that is related to my fear-because I do think that people are often quite critical of those who get any attention, especially positive attention. Seems to provoke envy & resentment-and I dearly wish NOT to become a target. Know I ought not care what strangers think of me, but I do & it causes me excessive upset/anxiety-hence (one more reason for) my aversion to promotion of self. Prospect of seeking public attention maks me defensive because my private life needs to remain private-yet public figures surrender that anonymity (nameless, faceless indistinctiveness), to some degree.

You can see the bind (stasis/impasse) I'm in, back & forth between these incompatible, mutually exclusive impulses.

[Iam]

Want my stuff to be seen, I just don't want to have to explain or talk about the drawings (same way I feel about my mazes). Want my works to get attention (if they merit it, according to audience/viewers)-just not comfortable with having attention on me as a result. Is that (distinction) understandable ?
Plus I feel guilty if I sound in the least bit pleased with myself-it strikes me as boastful, which invites bad things to happen (in my world view of superstitious social causation).

I understand how you feel, Belfast. I doubt I can explain the feeling any more clearly than you have, but I certainly recognize the feelings you describe. The attention which is garnered is acutely uncomfortable.

[renaeden]

I was wondering if you could say certain things you have already thought of, to those people who ask you questions about your art.

The good thing about art is that the observer is free to make up their own mind about it?

I don't know, something like that but less blunt?

Maybe you could right a description card to go along with your work and leave it at that?

About a website: I will ask GA, he found a host that sold him some web space and he has his own domain name. It is a blog and he stores his work there, too. He modified a WordPress theme to make the main page on his site. WordPress is a good place to go to get ideas.

[hesperus]

Hope you don't mind me mentioning something: just a curious aside, not that it really means anything. I've noticed that the symmetry of "mandalas", which are found in many religions and are sometimes used to represent the universe, remind me of E8 (see graph http://www.aimath.org/E8/images/e8plane2a.jpg ), which has a link to string theory and the Theory Of Everything.

As for meaning in art, I generally don't intend my art to mean or symbolise anything and also find it annoying how such a stance can be looked down on. I never exhibited (well, apart from the compulsory display for A level) or wanted to sell or give anything away (but recently have to partner's parents because I still get to see the work).

[ruth]

Quoting Belfast:

"symmetrical abstract organic stylized handmade doodled designs"...

Yep, I would go with mandala.

Hesperus quote:

http://www.aimath.org/E8/images/e8plane2a.jpg

Absolute bliss!

[adhocisadirtyword]

Hope you don't mind me mentioning something: just a curious aside, not that it really means anything. I've noticed that the symmetry of "mandalas", which are found in many religions and are sometimes used to represent the universe, remind me of E8 (see graph http://www.aimath.org/E8/images/e8plane2a.jpg ), which has a link to string theory and the Theory Of Everything.

As for meaning in art, I generally don't intend my art to mean or symbolise anything and also find it annoying how such a stance can be looked down on. I never exhibited (well, apart from the compulsory display for A level) or wanted to sell or give anything away (but recently have to partner's parents because I still get to see the work).

The picture in that link reminds me of the mandalas I've drawn with a protractor and a ruler. It is much more involved than mine, with a lot more angles use, but a similar idea. That one is really beautifully done with a lot of care given to color selection.

I also don't provide any meeting to my art and have a hard time seeing meaning in other's art. I have no problem selling or giving away and I've actually painted most things that I've done for other people as gifts, but I've never seen it as an expression of anything.