Indescribable

[Charlie]

The subject seems to sum up how I feel right now, but I will give it a go.

On Monday I felt almost suicidal. By that I mean I had thoughts of killing myself, and not seeing any reason to go on, rather than wanting to act on them. It was the first time I had felt like that, and it was scary. I went to the doctor yesterday to talk it through and she decided to increase the dosage of my antidepressants. I think a lot of my depression is not knowing where I fit in. I am in limbo with regards diagnosis, waiting to see the psycologist. I feel nobody understands me in my life, and even worse nobody wants to understand me when I make a desperate and hopeless plea for attention or help.

As I put, I currently can't see anything to look forward to. My job is causing more stress and difficulties and will only get worse as the summer season approaches (I work in an airport). I really should get another job, but I'm too aperthetic to be bothered, and it is a usual routine (if shift work is) with people I recognise. I am just about even with my finances, although it is a huge struggle by the end of the month. I am just going nowhere in life - I feel like a wasted talent stuck in a mediocre job well below my intelectual capability.

I just hope a diagnosis comes quickly now so I can accept myself for what I am not what I probably am, then possibly I will be able to, for the first time in my life, plan something for the future.

I leave you with a little poem I wrote a few months ago which just about sums up the way I am feeling.

Indefinable Life
Life is an explanation
Of words I cannot find
A mass of confusion
Of misunderstanding
A mixture of chaos and time


With gratitude as always,

Kevin

[renaeden]

If you have just started on your antidepressants or sswitched to new ones and are now feeling this way, then they are the wrong sort for you. In that the medication could be part of the reason why you are feeling this way.

You seem just like me with waiting.....and waiting. It is depressing because why all the waiting? I have been waiting almost three months for a psychiatrist appointment and it is driving me nuts.

I really like your poem.

[Charlie]

Thanks for that and I am happy you liked the poem.

I have been on the medication since 24th September, and although it may have helped parts not all of it has gone. I dont know if I feel any different, and even if I did it is not nesssecarily because of the pills - I may have improved naturally. The waiting is definitely the key thing. Nine months now have passed since I was referred - I hope it is quicker for you in your country.

Is it how psycologists make their money with NTs - make them wait. If they were not mad when they were referred the wait certainly would have made them turn wacky!

[beware_the_sluagh]

It's ridiculous making you wait so long. This is an important thing. They don't know what might happen to the people they make wait if they make them wait too long instead of helping


Maybe as you say they want everyone to become REALLY crazy so they can make more money "fixing" them

[Sophist]

One thing some doctors don't get with medications is the old fallacy that

more = better

That's not always true, especially with SSRIs. I really hope you're able to get an ASC assessment really soon, Kevin.