Sympops - are there any support groups near you that you could join? Even if they aren't necessarly geared to AS, but something else relevant to your life - just to get positive feedback?
I will tell you that when my husband lost his last job (he has AS, I'm NT) it was tough. I was at times, admittedly, a little resentful. I felt like he "got" to stay at home, he could do whatever he chose with his time, etc. Once I finally opened my eyes to the fact that he took over the running of everything in the household I gave myself a good adjustment.
I also didn't realize how poorly he felt about himself after losing his job. Too lost in my own well of "woe is me"....
Sometimes it's hard to appreciate the input others give when you can't match it apples for apples. I hope that you and your SO can work this out and find some common ground while you find something that makes you feel good about yourself.