getting P*ssed off

[loborojo]

when I get into a conflict or I feel hurt by someone, I get mad and P*ssed off at the person, and however hard I try to be reasonable and let it go, but it doesn't work. I can chew on it for so long, I feel like suffocating.

How long do you stay angry with someone???

[Charlie]

when I get into a conflict or I feel hurt by someone, I get mad and P*ssed off at the person, and however hard I try to be reasonable and let it go, but it doesn't work. I can chew on it for so long, I feel like suffocating.

How long do you stay angry with someone???

A few seconds usually. I may still be frustrated, but not angry. I (as mentioned in other places) do not get angry that often, but when I do it is a massive rage, and within seconds it is usually back to normal as though nothing has happened.

I will give you 2 examples of this:

Firstly, a few years ago I was refereeing a five-a-side soccer match in Derby when before the match a player said something to me which I took exception to. I went into anger mode, and sent him off (which I was entitled to do). The team then refused to play, and after some negotiating from the centre staff with me I agreed to let him play so the game could take place. I wasn't angry any more, although I was irked at almost being forced to change my mind. Anyway, the match was reasonably physical (but fair), and at the end the player came over to me and apologised to me for his earlier comments and thanked me for the way I refereed the game, and even admitted that he was surprised how fair I was, by which he meant that I did not look to deliberately penalise him for everything I could or try and find a reason to send him off again. As I explained to him I do not hold a grudge for what had happened, and that I do not get influenced by emotions.

More drastic however were the times, usually in the school holidays, when my sister would annoy me. The reason it tended to be the holidays was it was a long day with just her and myself in the house. And she would constantly be trying to get me to do things I did not want me to do and basically boss me around. This would build up and eventually I would "lose it" and storm out the house in anger, just to get away from it all. However, about 100yds down the road I would be over my anger and not feel anything, just wonder what to do. Normally I would continue to the end of the road (about 100yds further) and wait around there for a minute or two before returning which had the benefits of not looking completely stupid and storming out of the house only to turn around almost immediately and return, and give my sister a little time to calm down herself as she was usually still shouting at me from the doorway to get back. There were the usual threats that she would call/tell dad but these would always backfire on her as she would be the one to get in trouble for winding me up and bossing me around constantly and nothing was ever said to me about "running away".

[ruth]

I am currently recuperating, or at least trying to, from a fit of anger I had yesterday. My anger fits are usually always with the same person and over the same issue: communication. I won't go into detail, but this has been ongoing and gradually becoming worse. Initially, long ago, I didn't feel the rage, or if I did, it didn't feel quite so bad. I think this is because I hadn't yet realized what the real issues were and that they would never be resolved. So I had hope, and thought of the incidents as simple "spats" that all relationships had. A good cry was all it took for me to get over it and start anew.

A lot of the communication problem is a result of my literal thinking and my expectations that when someone says something I can believe what they are saying and interpret it accordingly. Also, I have a very good memory and have always been very proud of my memory. It is reassuring to know that one can count on ones ability to remember exactly what was said and done and by whom. I still have this ability, but more and more, I am beginning to doubt myself and it's a feeling close to the feeling of going insane. Someone says something and then later says they never said that. Even now as I write this, my heart is starting to pound in frustration and fear. It makes you want to limit your conversation with a person like that, or end it entirely. But that is not always possible.

So yesterday when this happened and I felt the rage welling up in me, it felt like I was being strangled by pent up anger and had to leave the house immediately. I can handle just about anything, but I can not handle it when someone messes with or tries to corrupt my sense of reality, and perhaps this is not intentionally done on their part, but is do to their own faulty memory which was never up to par in the first place, and then complicated by their poor language, listening and comprehension skills as well. And I have compassion for such a person in their lack of such vital tools, but nevertheless, it gets to be infuriating after a while. Another trigger for my anger is when a person, any person, but especially so when it's the aforementioned person, assigns malicious of forethought or calculated intent to my behavior when that malice and/or intention is not, was not there. I really believe I do not have the skill it takes to calculate my behavior in order to bring about a certain result. I can't be bothered with calculations. I act too fast and think to fast and speak to fast and have no time for weaving a web.

Fortunately it was a nice day. A little brisk, but sun shining and no wind. I walked all over town, which felt very strange. I stopped in the "Dollar Store" (everything in the store is one dollar) and pushed a cart around the isles looking at things, Christmas things mostly, and other people. I called my daughter on the cell phone, not meaning to tell her of the circumstances that caused me to fly into a rage and leave the house, but eventually I ran out of things to say and it all came rushing out, almost an hour of ranting on the phone, up and down the isles with people looking at me and listening to me talk about such private matters in a loud voice in public as if I were a mad woman, but I didn't give a damn who heard what. After that I felt a little better, bought puzzles for my grandchildren and Christmas cards for them to send out to their friends and relatives. Then I went to the market and bought some jambalyah mix for dinner and sat on a bench outside the laundry mat reading a church flyer I found on my walk. A homeless woman walked by, smiling from ear to ear, carrying two electric guitars, one in each hand (which I found strange) and looked directly at me and said "Ah, what would life be without an egg roll and a virgin mary." I tried to make sense out of that and wondered if she was some kind of a sign or something. She went into the Chinese restaurant, I presume to get an egg roll. I stayed on the bench until she came out and walked away with her guitars. Then I went in and got two spring rolls and went to the park and ate them.

A disgusting man was at the park, which is a childrens' park really, parents bring their kids there to play on the swings and such, and there are picnic tables and benches there also. At any rate, as I was eating my first spring roll, this man, who was on a swing, started coughing and hacking and spitting all over the grass. It P*ssed me off so bad. Thinking that the little kids have to play in the grass that he has contaminated with his disgusting phlegm. I wanted to go up to him and tell him that what he had just done was not acceptable and that he was a scumbag, but I didn't. It also made me angry because I think he was some kind of a pervert hanging out in a childrens' park and up to no good. I just turned my back to him and watched the traffic and ate my other spring roll and then I went home.

Today I feel a little better, but I had a terrible dream last night that a man was trying to murder me by applying pressure to my heart. In my dream I decided that I would not go down without a fight and I came up with a plan to outwit him by telling him that I had 10,000 dollars inside the house. He released the pressure on my heart when he heard about the money. My idea was to get him into the house and then break free somehow, or signal for my husband to get his gun and shoot him.

[loborojo]

it is perverted to think that parks should be for adults and one for children, perverted to think that one man could be a pervert just because he hangs out in a children park. America is sick, sicko

[ruth]

It is perverted to cough and spit in a park where little children play in the grass. It is perverted and sick to discard used condoms in the park where anybody, especially little children play. It is assinine for a man of approximately 250 pounds to sit in a swing that was designed and erected for small children. I live in a small town. The park was donated privately and constructed for children. Nobody wants to take their children there anymore because of people like the man I saw in the park yesterday. We have other public parks, I don't give a f*** what the sickos do there.

[Sophist]

when I get into a conflict or I feel hurt by someone, I get mad and P*ssed off at the person, and however hard I try to be reasonable and let it go, but it doesn't work. I can chew on it for so long, I feel like suffocating.

How long do you stay angry with someone???

Whenever I get mad at a person for a particular reason (and not just because I'm in a generally bad mood), I usually cycle VERY quickly out of anger. I can get angry quickly, but if the person changes their behavior/attitude rapidly, e.g., offering an apology, it's like somebody's just turned off the Anger Switch in my brain and I come back down within seconds.

If I get angry with someone while I'm already in a bad mood, then the anger just makes the mood worse and I can end up being pretty sour for quite some time. I find this pretty draining too, so I often will go take a nap, which seems to sort of reset my mood.

[loborojo]

It is perverted to cough and spit in a park where little children play in the grass. It is perverted and sick to discard used condoms in the park where anybody, especially little children play. It is assinine for a man of approximately 250 pounds to sit in a swing that was designed and erected for small children. I live in a small town. The park was donated privately and constructed for children. Nobody wants to take their children there anymore because of people like the man I saw in the park yesterday. We have other public parks, I don't give a f*** what the sickos do there.

You didn' mention the condoms ( I agree, that is disgusting). You said: 'I think he is a pervert'...so you don't know for sure and are judging appearances. Maybe just like many aspies ( I feel like a child inside, and haven't had enough childhood, so I too would sit on a swing like that, and feel a child again. We are all human beings, maybe he is lonely, no one talks to him, and spitting, sorry these things ...We have to get phlegm out of our body. I swallow mine, cannot cough it up.

Would you procrastinate as much about the filthy dogs who poop everywhere on pavements and in parks too???

[ruth]

Quoting Loborojo:

You didn' mention the condoms ( I agree, that is disgusting). You said ?I think he is a pervert'...so you don't know for sure and are judging apearances. Maybe just like many aspies ( I feel like a child inside, and haven't had enough childhood, so I too would sit on a swing like that, and feel a child again. We are all human beings, maybe he is lonely, no one talks to him, and spitting, sorry these things we have to get phlegm out of our body. I swallow mine, cannot cough it up.

Would you procrastinate as much about the filthy dogs who poop everywhere on pavements and in parks too???

1.You are right. I had no proof that he had bad intentions. I will let it at that and concede to your point.

2.I think he could have spit in any of several trash containers.

3.There are laws in the US about dogs. They must be on leashes and their owners must scoop up the poop and bag it, especially in parks.

[Charlie]

spam spam spam

They just don't give up do they?

[TheZach]

spam spam spam

They just don't give up do they?

Its most likely a computer program, not a person.

[loborojo]

spam spam spam

They just don't give up do they?

what has this posting to do with my 'P*ssed off' thread???

[adhocisadirtyword]

we often get spambots who post a new message in random threads. When we delete them, we also delete the posts. We try to do so before other members see the post, but sometimes that isn't always possible. Yessuh and Zach were responding to a spam post that has since been removed.

[goddessoflubbock]

I remember when I was teaching my son how to swing. He just couldn't get the motions right. This was several years back (I guess maybe 7 or 8?) but I know I was mobile and breathing! So I got on the swing next to him and modeled for him how to swing your legs and how to time it with leaning back and forward. We were having a great time for about 20 minutes, and he was starting to get it (DD was just having a blast watching us from her stroller) when suddenly this woman comes by with her kids and gives me a sneer and tells me the city should charge me if my fat a** breaks the swing. That was fun. NOT.

Instant judgements are rarely a positive thing. And usually they miss some important underlying fact.

Maybe this old man was dying and is missing his grandchildren who live thousands of miles away.

You just never know.

And I have anger issues. I know I do. I was raised by an Italian mother and an alcoholic father. I can carry a grudge into the next lifetime.

[Toad]

Have a fairly long slow burn fuse then go off like a nuke. people who know me get well out of the way when I blow up that way I only hit the walls and not them
bear a grudge forever IF whoever did whatever deliberately.

[Noctivagus]

How long do you stay angry with someone???

I'm cross when I feel I have reason and then I'm simply not cross. Its like a light switch with me.

As for full blown 'anger'... I find it physically uncomfortable and tend to avoid it like the plague. I haven't been full-blown angry for years.

As for bearing grudges... if somebody has made me cross enough to bear a grudge (rare) then the grudge ends pretty much if they start being nice to me again. If somebody is ignorant, arrogant or offensive, then I don't like them until they grow out of it, if ever. However such people do not count it as any loss, so its no skin of their nose anyway

Some people who show themselves to be of a certain type, I remain wary of permanently, but that isn't grudge-holding, that's just 'once bitten twice shy'.