Upset, Ever been attacked on another Forum?

[Another World]

Well, it seems I have a pretty serious problem with a few women on another forum. Apparently they find me "infurating" and "a know it all" and a whole list of other things.

I have a lot of nerve apparently for having recently had problems with my son, and being a newbie with the DX and all to be dispensing "advice" and "opinions" to others.

I feel so beaten up right now I am having a hard time getting through the day. A part of me wants to run and never go back there, but I have had people PM me thanking me for the suggestions I gave, and do seem to get along with other members. I really do need the support, yes I am on a steep learning curve, and I don't mind people letting me know if they think my suggestions are not good ones. I have taken all the advice I have gotten over the last month or two very seriously, and have applied all of it, with great results for myself and my family.

Luckally very shortly after I read a thread with these women bashing me up, my sister came over so I could not "dwell" on it and had to get on with my day. I am not as shakin by it, (I was physically shaking) but I would not say I am doing "well".

I am trying to keep in perspective that these are people with their own problems, living 1000's of miles away from me, that I only know online, they are not my "friends" but I just feel like I do whenever people in RL turn on me like this talking behind my back about .... whatever I managed to do wrong that offends them.

Why do people have to be this way? Why can't we just all get along? I think I stepped on someones turf or something, maybe I threaten them? Maybe they think I am an idiot, well fine, that is their porogative, but why do you need to attack me publicly?

*Sigh* I just don't know what to do. A part of me wants to "out" this whole thing to clear the air, but another part of me thinks it may be best to just not give in, keep being me, and if they have a problem with it, well, that is their problem not mine!

My problem is, I wear my life on my sleeve, it does not matter if you are talking face to face with me, or writting on a forum, I am going to say everything I have to say. On a forum I thought that if someone did not want to "listen" to me then they could just skip over my verbal vomitings and move on to the next post, but apparently this person can't, instead they scan my posts for the line or two where they think I am saying something asinine and attack me on that. It does not matter what else I said, the focus is on what I did wrong. Amazing, I want so badly to just get along with people, but even online I appear to be unlikable.

[Sophist]

First off, I can understand the shaking thing. I hate confrontation so much that even on forums if I know I've left a provocative message and come back later I am literally having a panic attack waiting to see how the person replied. I hate it.

But let me ask, to kind of get a read on the situation, what kind of ASD forum was this? Is it pretty much an all-parents kind of forum? Or something more mixed and laidback? Because if it's an all parents forum, I've noticed many of those can be really clickish and anyone offering advice or whose personality deviates from the norm can really be treated like an outsider until they've won the right to say their mind (and usually that's earned with time).

Does that sound like maybe what's going on?

I don't think you're pushy on here at all. Then again, we're auties and prolly a bit pushy ourselves so it evens out. I find you eager and energetic. But you're modest as well so you're not quite the "bulldozer" type who kinda runs everybody over with opinions and such. I always find your opinions are given tastefully.

[SomethingElse]

I've been there, as you probably well know.

It does shake you up a bit to kind of find yourself somewhere where yet again you're not being accepted and people are reading into the things you do in a much more negative way than you perhaps even thought possible...

The best thing to do is to either leave that situation altogether and to forget about it (they're not worth the worry), or, if it's possible to get through it then ignore them and continue to post.

To have a group of them b****ing about you in a thread makes me think of playground bullies - they all need each other.

Hey, maybe you should feel flattered if they're that obsessed with you?

[Another World]

Thanks for your replies.

It is WP I am talking about... If anyone is interested I'll PM the threads I am refering to, I would love a second opinion. I don't really want to go dragging names out publicly or making this into a bigger deal then it needs to be.

I know I have not been playing this game very long, and on WP I am a little more "active" posting all over the place, giving a lot of "opinions" or asking "questions" but I don't ever try to "dictate" anything or claim that I know what I am doing. I am just giving my opinon as I see it, because a general request for advice is issued by the poster! Sometimes I have made mistakes, people call it out, say why it isn't a good idea, I take my lumps like an adult and "learn" from it.

I am enthusiastic and maybe a little too eager, always have been, think I always will be! My sister says I probably have so much trouble with work relationships because I "care" too much! I threaten people for a variety of reasons, maybe they think I am trying to compete for a promotion, maybe they think their poor work performance will be noticed if the new girl is running at 200 mph.


I have spent hundreds of hours reserching AS and parenting children with AS and reading probaby hundreds of stories of other parents, I may have only been at the game a short while, and I am on a steep learning curve, but to publicly out me and say I have no idea what I am talking about to my face and then slam me behind my back? It just all seems a little nuts. I had huge problems with my son last December as a result of not knowing what to do with him, he was un Diagnosed at the time, no real knowledge of AS. The advice I have gotten and reserch i have done has allowed for a huge turn around with him! I can't believe how much improved our relationship is, his confidence is up, his performance overall is up, why would I not want to share that with the other desperate parents who arrive daily ready to pull their hair out not knowing what to do?

*sigh*

It is nice outside, I am going to try and stay off the internet until tommorow, I need to clear my head of all this. My husband tells me I have to try and treat these people like they are not "real" so they don't get under my skin, and take the critisim with a grain of salt, considering the source.

[Another World]

I just feel stupid, one of these women I had thought I was getting "along" with and actually looked up too, that is until she got really cold and started making little "jabs" at me a few weeks ago...

[Sophist]

The WP parents subforum can kinda be a little cliquish too. It's like a parents forum, but hidden amongst a larger forum. I don't think it's as extreme as some parent forums, but there is a bit of a clique.

[adhocisadirtyword]

I feel ya, AW. One of the things I've noticed about your posts on WP is that they come from the perspective of both an Aspie and a parent. I'm not sure who was attacking you, but I wonder if those people who did attack you felt threatened by that at all. Maybe not... just a thought.

I experience the same thing at work all the time. If I can't go back to school, I think the next career move I have will be to go back to full time consulting, because you're never in one place long enough for people to feel out shined by your work performance.

[Another World]

Thanks;

I am thinking I need to just let it go, and move on. I wonder about the "threatened" part, or maybe I stepped on her turf, I don't know. She also speaks from the same perspective, Aspie and Parent, and seems to take a lot of pride from the fact she is DX'ed and has been at this game a long time. She actually tried to "out" me in a post saying that I did not know what I was talking about and would write whatever crap came to my mind at the momment, and gave a "warning" to others that I only had a DX for my son since last January. Whatever...

Yeah, sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth pretty good, and I certainly don't mind anyone politely "challenging" what I say if they think it came accross "flipent" or untrue. How can anyone who writes as much as me not occasionally make a blunder or two? That is just it, maybe I should not write so much. I have learned in conversations not to "say" so much, but it just bugs me, because I find short posts just don't give any of the supporting info to allow someone to make a decision. "ugh". I don't know what to do... My computer is going to shut down in 2 minutes for updates, I'll be back to ramble a bit more...

Ok, I should just leave it alone, but I could use some help with just one thread, one that really confuses me...

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... sc&start=0

My offending post is at the bottom of the first page, HelloKitty in ST uniform...

It is about service dogs or emotional support dogs. I made a few posts, the first one is the one that seemed to cause "trouble". The comment being "Sorry, I was just spewing the virtues of aid dog's for children with Asperger's. Of course, I was up against your friend over there. She sure has some high opinions! "

I was the "friend" she was up against, and trust me, with the following commentary, it becomes very evident just how sarcastic that "friend" reference is! Apparently she was up against me? I have high opinions?

I have read the thread a 1000 times now, and I see a bunch of people talking about it, some where a lot more strongly worded or ignorant then I was, I just don't understand... So I can't make a post now without being "uppity?"

*sigh* Everytime I come out of my shell a little, I feel like someone is ready to step on my head! I have been fairly burried from people since 2005, this is the first time I am really reaching out and talking to people in nearly two years, even if it is just online!

[SomethingElse]

I can't find the post you mentioned, and I can't see any problems on that thread. I couldn't concentrate enough to read it word for word, though.

I haven't even noticed many cliques on WP, although as I have no interest in being part of that it doesn't bother me. I have here and another forum where I am no completely ignored and where at least a few people seem to like me.

I wouldn't worry about what anyone on there says. I have been visiting more often, but have had no problems mainly because I can't be bothered to actually attempt to say anything too meaningful amongst such a large amount of people. The more people you have the more egos you have. No one likes to be proven wrong, and few people can admit they are wrong gracefully.

I mean, thinking on it, it did turn into a bit of a power struggle in general didn't it? Everyone has to have their say and their say has to be definite and 'right'. The people who don't see the point in service dogs assume that no one should find them a benefit (for example).

People are either extremelt tolerant or extremely judgemental and opinionated (the the point where it becomes obnoxious - their way of thinking is the right way, end of).

I have been on WP regularly for the past few days, however, and I'm finding it alright. It's not the same as being here (I feel like I sort of know everyone here, even if I hardly know anything about most of you) but it gives me a forum fix when my two regular places are quiet.

I find it easier to stick to specific areas of the forum and specific threads. I read a lot more than I post. I'm quite happy to be pretty much invisible there.

I've been on forums where I've felt invisible/disliked, before, and it only bothers me when the community is more familiar with each other. When everyone knows each other the cliques are easier to see. I like that here there aren't any cliques - everyone's posts are treated equally and if people have something to say they'll say it and if not they won't. I never take anything personally here (well, apart from the few arguments I've had but that's all in the past).

I think in smaller forum communities everyone has a face (even if you've never seen it) and in larger ones people stop having their own face/personality. Which means people are sometimes rude, and thoughtless. And it's not because they have/might have AS, it's because every internet community is like that. You would have thought that getting a bunch of aspies together would mean harmony and understanding, but of course that isn't the case.

Here everyone is accepted, regardless of how atypical they are, because everyone here takes an interest in everyone else and their wellbeing.

At WP there is competition. Everyone wants to be a bigger aspie, or those that are not happy with having AS clash with those who are happy. They judge each other and I get the feeling they question each other's diagnosis.

The fact she's questioning your knowledge is actually just ignorance. How many people are undiagnosed or recently diagnosed who have been interested in autism for a long time, and how many people are on the spectrum and have been diagnosed from a young age but haven't taken any interest in learning about it? You can't measure those things, anyway, but a diagnosis doesn't automatically mean more knowledge.

I've gone on quite enough now. I'm fine over on WP, but actually analysing the way people behave towards each other and the attitudes people give off is actually annoying me a little. Before now I didn't give it much thought at all and was surprised that I hadn't witnessed more arguments, etc. but the atmosphere is a lot more chaotic and people are either too nice or too mean.

[Another World]

Thanks a lot, being the "dork" I am I forgot to give my WP nick. "EarthCalling". I feel a lot better that you did not "flag anything" being outside the norm of forum posts...

I agree, maybe the pond is too big for me to swim in, maybe it is just that she has problems and needs to work on those, reading over some of her personal threads, I think she has a lot of "issues" that she needs to deal with and perhaps focusing on what other people say and do wrong makes her feel better about her sad and pathetic little life...

I thought my post was very neutral though, I said that I could see service dogs being a great thing, but not all aspies (including myself) would need one or even want one! The only thing I was opinionated about, was someone suggested that you could "train" your own service dog, and I just said I thought that might be difficult for someone who needs a dog in the first place to help them nagivate through life!

The offending know it all post of mine is at the bottom of the first page...

[adhocisadirtyword]

Speaking to the training your own service dog - you were spot on. I have a friend with MS who works with CCI dogs and puppies extensively and the amount of work that goes into training a service dog is a lot more than anyone would expect. Even an "emotional support" dog would still need a lot of training just on how to behave in public. For a family that is already strapped for resources or time, any dog (no matter how intelligent) would probably not get enough time in training to become adequate for such a task.

[Another World]

Speaking to the training your own service dog - you were spot on. I have a friend with MS who works with CCI dogs and puppies extensively and the amount of work that goes into training a service dog is a lot more than anyone would expect. Even an "emotional support" dog would still need a lot of training just on how to behave in public. For a family that is already strapped for resources or time, any dog (no matter how intelligent) would probably not get enough time in training to become adequate for such a task.

Thank you;

I thought it was a wonderful idea, but I know how much work a puppy is, having done it twice now! My family got a dalmatian when I was 12, it was a LOT OF WORK but they are INSANE animals. It was my dog so I did all the training, classes and everything, but I could never get her to a point where she would fetch a stick or even come when called reliably!

We got a 5 month old SPCA hound in Oct 2005. It was hell! It took forever just to get her house broken! And even though she is relatively calm and great with the kids, it was hard enough to get her to potty outside let alone "train" her to look out for one of the kids!

This is no easy task, some parents and I have heard of them may be up to the challenge, but I think it was really being downplayed just how difficult this can be!

*sigh*. I am ready to move on I think, (although I may be back with a couple tanrums occasionally if no one minds!) I know know I am not crazy or really sticking out as a weirdo even in AS circles!

My mother is coming out to visit tommorow, so hopefully that just keeps me so busy I'll have to curb my net addiction at least a little!

[goddessoflubbock]

I used to post extensively at WP, also on another more "parent-oriented" site. I dropped the parent site because they were getting ridiculous. One woman argued with me that "stims" don't exist and we are putting negative connotations on our children by believing they do. To this day my son comes home from school and spends an hour spinning on his desk chair to calm himself and release the stress of the school day. I think that qualifies....

Anyway, I got severely beaten up over at WP, to that point where I'd get nauseaus at the thought of going there and what I'd see, yet like a train wreck I couldn't help myself. (NT mommies DEFINITELY not welcome over there). So then I stuck around just the parents section, and even that got too ridiculous, and it gets boring hearing the same person say the same thing over and over again.

Now, for autism, this is the SOLE board I visit.

[Another World]

I think that it is a problem whenever the site admins allow 'anything goes" with very little moderation.

Yeah, sometimes cranky admins editing and deleting posts can get annoying, but it is better then a free for all, especially when it comes to flaming or trashing other members, even just a reminder like "keep it civil people!"

Anyway, I am calming down, my house is still a mess, just got laundry off the line, mother arriving tommorow, I have a feeing this is going to be the least of my "issues" in a few days.

[Belfast]

My offending post is at the bottom of the first page, HelloKitty in ST uniform...
It is about service dogs or emotional support dogs. I made a few posts, the first one is the one that seemed to cause "trouble". The comment being "Sorry, I was just spewing the virtues of aid dog's for children with Asperger's. Of course, I was up against your friend over there. She sure has some high opinions! :wink: "
I was the "friend" she was up against, and trust me, with the following commentary, it becomes very evident just how sarcastic that "friend" reference is! Apparently she was up against me? I have high opinions?
I have read the thread a 1000 times now, and I see a bunch of people talking about it, some where a lot more strongly worded or ignorant then I was, I just don't understand... So I can't make a post now without being "uppity?"
*sigh* Everytime I come out of my shell a little, I feel like someone is ready to step on my head! I have been fairly burried from people since 2005, this is the first time I am really reaching out and talking to people in nearly two years, even if it is just online!

I thought my post was very neutral though, I said that I could see service dogs being a great thing, but not all aspies (including myself) would need one or even want one! The only thing I was opinionated about, was someone suggested that you could "train" your own service dog, and I just said I thought that might be difficult for someone who needs a dog in the first place to help them nagivate through life!
The offending know it all post of mine is at the bottom of the first page...

Imagine you don't need one more opinion, but-I looked (twice, actually) at the thread you linked to & could find nothing of concern. The quote you give (of other member)-I couldn't find that anywhere in the linked-to thread. Can't see any possible reason to fault you. IMHO.
I have misunderstandings & negative interpretations between myself & others, no matter how careful I try to be. So I ricochet back & forth between a few locations (hoping the icky-ness blows over) because I can't stay in everyone's good graces for long, it seems.