PTSD strikes again!

[goddessoflubbock]

I thought I was doing really well, completely off meds and working with a special $$$ doctor.

Saturday DH wanted to go to a car show here in town. I knew in advance that there would be people from a certain large group there that I would be somewhat uncomfortable around, but I also knew that DH would be by my side the whole time. And there was little chance the ONE single individual from that entire group that caused me the original problem would even be there as it was an event for charity and they weren't the charitable type.

There was one car in particular DH was there to see - he's been following it around car shows for the last year and would like to buy it. We came upon the car but the owner wasn't around. DH was doing his usual drooling over it, then we started to move along. I was in my chair because it was going to be a lot of walking. Suddenly DH is nowhere to be found and I'm smack dab in the middle of a group of these particular people (who are probably perfectly fine upstanding citizens mind you) and terrified out of my mind. A peek between people and I spot DH, up on the sidewalk with DD, talking to a man I presume to be the owner of the car he likes. I'm trying to ask these people nicely to move so I can get through except my tongue feels like it's 20 times it's normal size and I can barely speak.

I finally broke through, by which time I had tears streaming down, and flew across the street to a driveway where I could park in some shade alone and just hide. Unfortunately in flying across the street I nearly ran down a bicycle cop working the event. There's my second worst nightmare! He naturally hops down and asks what's wrong and what's going on. I advised I was fine, I didn't break the speed limit, crying isn't breaking any laws or ordinances and if he wanted another word out of me he'd need a warrant.

He keeps on, telling me I have to tell him my name or he can arrest me for failure to identify. I told him I was sorry, I forgot we were living in Nazi Germany, gave him my name and said yes, I'm the very same _______ _________ who is SUING your coworker and the city and everyone else whose name I can fit on the page. Do you want to keep on with this because I've already committed your badge number to memory? At which point DH finally shows up and actually, ACTUALLY, manages to make things worse.... He starts yelling at the cop to stop harassing me.

Needless to say, we left at that point, I went home, dug around, found an old bottle and popped a xanax!

I'm also still e x t r e m e l y mad at DH. He had no idea why I was so upset, even after I told him what happened.

I had forgotten how restorative a good hide under the covers can be. By 5:00 pm I was ready for dinner. Still upset, still mad, but didn't want DD to miss out on going out because of me and DH. UGH. What a horrible day.

[odeon]

That's awful, Goddess. {{{sympathy}}}

[Aspen]

...I finally broke through, by which time I had tears streaming down, and flew across the street to a driveway where I could park in some shade alone and just hide. Unfortunately in flying across the street I nearly ran down a bicycle cop working the event. There's my second worst nightmare! He naturally hops down and asks what's wrong and what's going on. I advised I was fine, I didn't break the speed limit, crying isn't breaking any laws or ordinances and if he wanted another word out of me he'd need a warrant.

He keeps on, telling me I have to tell him my name or he can arrest me for failure to identify. I told him I was sorry, I forgot we were living in Nazi Germany, gave him my name and said yes, I'm the very same _______ _________ who is SUING your coworker and the city and everyone else whose name I can fit on the page. Do you want to keep on with this because I've already committed your badge number to memory? At which point DH finally shows up and actually, ACTUALLY, manages to make things worse.... He starts yelling at the cop to stop harassing me....

Could he really arrest someone for not telling him their name? I mean, you weren't driving or anything.

[Sophist]

So sorry, goddess. Setbacks suck. If it makes you feel any better, setbacks are pretty common in PTSD therapy. Kind of to be expected since you don't live in a bubble world.

(((((((goddess)))))))

[goddessoflubbock]

Apparently "failure to identify" is enough to get yourself arrested in this post 9/11 world here in the US. Suddenly, when profiling would work in one's favor (hello, overweight blonde woman so fair skinned she's nearly see through...) it's no longer in vogue. My luck.

I took today off. I worked yesterday, if you can call it work, had a hard time focusing. I feel better tonight, went out with DH today and did a few pleasant chores, etc.

I was told to expect setbacks, I guess it was just so much all at once, all my worst nightmares rolled into one, that I was a *tad* overwhelmed.

I did talk to a cop today, although as my husband points out "parking control officer" barely qualifies. For me however, it was a big leap.

Step by step I guess....and thanks to you guys. I know I was typing about 120 words per min on that first post I was so stressed, but I knew that here I'd find friends.

[Sophist]

No worries, goddess. Even without PTSD, cops make me nervous.

[Aspen]

I have PTSD too, so I know how hard it is to make yourself do something you fear. I know how your heart races, but you did it anyway, so good for you.

[goddessoflubbock]

I ended up taking two days off, and it felt really good. I mostly lazed around yesterday, but I did get a bunch of music uploaded to my new mp3 player. Took my mind off of things.

I feel back to my old self again today so I guess I will learn to live through these things after all

I talked to my doc on the phone and he felt the cop really went overboard anyway. And I agree. But what can you do.