Edited.

[seethaki]

Edited.

[cow2]

Hello, all. I seem to be, er, somewhat lower functioning than a lot of members here, so I have some difficulty fitting in, but I thought this would be as good a place as any to describe my recent (past couple days) difficulties.

I've been very depressed--my parents just left town (I'm married but still feel like a single person with a roommate whom she doesn't know particularly well)--they'd been visiting for a week. It was very nice to see people I'm very close to again, and we had fun visiting museums, eating out, etc. Their departure has left me feeling very lonely and ruminating on the past and ruined/wasted opportunities and such.

I'm not exactly suicidal, because I'm a very non-violent/pain averse person (and am a bit too apathetic right now to bother with anything like that, anyway).

The past couple days, I've been struggling to take a shower. (I dislike showering, anyway--the sensation of being wet and all the other tactile nastiness that goes with it.) I've played my husband's video games off and on. I've eaten candy (I have almost no appetite). I've tried to read a novel, but it's hard to care enough to continue with that. Plus, I have a lot of work to do cleaning my apartment.

My life has become a meaningless inconvenience for me. I don't seem to have any purpose. I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow, and my psychiatrist the following week (I'm going to ask him about increasing the dose of my Effexor XR from 150 to 225 mg/day).

I miss being younger, living near family and my only friend, and having optimism about the future.

Welcome to my world!! heh. Life just feels like one massive chore in general, I don't get much out of anything, nor, like I posted on some thread on some other forum do I even really feel like I even exist a lot of the time (unless I drink like 16 cups of tea/day). If you find a way around it, if you can tell me how you did it that'd be great.

edit: also I know what you mean about being younger and optimistic. I quite liked that this family actually talked to each other and acknowledged each other on more of a personal level. I had 2 good friends, one was very easy going/passive, somewhat aspie like in someways. Now that's gone, what with my poor social skills/sensory issues/whacked out personality, the world moving towards people being more of "team players"; desperately trying to cure what I am diagnosed with whilst despising it at the same time. Well, it has to be said it is pretty f***ing empty.

Even if I ever got the motivation to try and do something with my life, like helping towards something that'll help everyone... it'll either just be some novelty that eventually wears off, or something that someone somewhere is going to exploit to their own ends.

Like that movie twelve monkeys that I watched last night, maybe humans do need to die out. 90% of people are nazi's at heart.

Not sure how low/high functioning I am. I definitely have MAJOR executive dysfunction problems though. I mean I haven't worked in over a year and spent most of that time indoors. Sometimes I think my problems aren't all that bad until I realise I've wasted a month indoors, inside my head pretty much just constantly daydreaming.

[Another World]

You are not alone. I have really been struggling the last few months, with trying to get everything for my son all sorted out.

Today he recieved back an art assignment. he had to "cut" out his name on a folded piece of construction paper (he is 12), and "flip it" to be "symetrical". His name has 4 letters in it, and it looked like a 5 year old did it.

I was just contacted 2 days ago to sign a request for an "OT" evaluation of his fine motor skills! The LRT recommended that the evaluation will "probably" lead to outside therapy for him.

So, he gets back the assingment, and his "b**ch of a teacher writes on the back, with a C- grade, "why did you make the letter "i" so big? And What is the last letter?

She KNOWS he has AS now. She KNOWS he is getting an OT evaluation, she KNOWS the last letter was an 'N". She is just being "nasty". I am in the process of contacting the principle about it, I have had enough. He has an IEP that adresses low self esteme issues, "how does this help?"

Of course, stupid me, starts beating myself up over it, telling my husband "I want to die" and "I hate myself". he tells me to stop beating myself up, I am being stupid, and makes a good point, I am upset and hurt with her, she is being nasty, why does that make "me" a bad person?
So, I cry, mumbling something about being sick of 30 years of this crap and I can't cope anymore, ... blah blah blah ... and I suppose I do have to try and change my thinking patterns, but it is so damn hard! I know I am loved, I know I am respected by my family, that has to be my focus, not what some nasty lady thinks of my sons "art assignment" which never should have been assigned or graded to begin with!

*sigh*

In the last six months, my husband has not been beyond throwing me in the shower... God I feel like an 8 year old sometimes. Why can't I just "grow out of this!"

[spirited]

File a rights complaint, or grievance, with the teacher. Official papers. I think if one demands respect, they will get it. As your know AS people are smart, and there feelings can be hurt. Sec 504, and No child left behind, and american's with disabilities act. (If you are in the USA) Plus, if your son is AS, you might be able to get a recipiants rights violation going. We do have to teach our kids right from wrong, but it sounds like the teacher was abusing your child, to me. I have many problems with the principal at the school my son goes to, and it will probebly end up in a lawsuit. I have a hearing problem, so I can only normally comprehend with written instructions, I have it set up so I e-mail the principal, and secretaries, etc. This type of communication is invaluable in a court of law, time/date stamp, clearly written communications, great documentation. I hope this helps a little. spirited

[Another World]

I am moving my response, as to not "hijack" this thread....
http://asdgestalt.com/viewtopic.php?t=1211&start=15

File a rights complaint, or grievance, with the teacher. Official papers. I think if one demands respect, they will get it. As your know AS people are smart, and there feelings can be hurt. Sec 504, and No child left behind, and american's with disabilities act. (If you are in the USA) Plus, if your son is AS, you might be able to get a recipiants rights violation going. We do have to teach our kids right from wrong, but it sounds like the teacher was abusing your child, to me. I have many problems with the principal at the school my son goes to, and it will probebly end up in a lawsuit. I have a hearing problem, so I can only normally comprehend with written instructions, I have it set up so I e-mail the principal, and secretaries, etc. This type of communication is invaluable in a court of law, time/date stamp, clearly written communications, great documentation. I hope this helps a little. spirited

[seethaki]

Thanks, cow2 and Another World.

[goddessoflubbock]

There was quite a time when I had to be up by 5:00 am in order to have enough time to lurch myself through my morning tasks to be at work by 8. The shower was first, which has been greatly improved by putting a chair in the shower now, along with a handheld sprayer.

Getting dressed requires the services of my husband, or sometimes my daughter. An unhappy thought either way. Then off to the kitchen, to down a bunch of pills and start the ritual of sticking myself with needles all day - which really wasn't seeming to help anyway.

I became very depressed and really didn't want to go through it all anymore. People told me I had to think of my husband, think of my kids, but none of that really helped.

I had to do it because *I* wanted to. Because *I* decided it was time to be happy I woke up this side of the dirt every morning.

Yes, some mornings do suck. It sucks to tell my boss I can't go to Austin for training unless I can bring my crew (which I can't). So I miss opportunities. And so I try and make other ones.

And keep hoping for a whole bunch of cures

[Sophist]

:( (((((((((((seethaki)))))))))))

[Blandit]

AW: "Why can't I just "grow out of this!"

Because it's just too damn hard!

[Another World]

AW: "Why can't I just "grow out of this!"

Because it's just too dam* hard!

*sigh*

[spirited]

Seethaki, just a little info, and sorry about highjacking! If you are ASD, really be cautious with the psychiatric meds. I took effexor and prozac together, with good results, but the dr kept increasing me, and in the end, it was not a pretty sight. I was really out of it for a while, until I got off the junk. IF suggested,Try not to take welbutrin, its a phenyl, it knocked me out for a few months.

[seethaki]

Edited.

[Sophist]

seethaki, also remember that with the case of many medications, more does not always equal better. With many SSRIs, taking less often has greater antidepressant effects than greater doses and greater doses can actually reverse the effect and make a person MORE depressed. And I don't know your psychiatrist, but beware because most psychiatrists I've met or known always think more is better.