Depressed?

[Graelwyn]

I don't know, but I seem unable to find much interest in anything at all these days other than forums. At times, I will stay up til 7am, just going back and forth between forums, hunting for new threads and replies to my posts. I have so many books I want to read and things I want to learn, but I cannot concentrate at all. I start reading and quickly lose all interest and give up. I haven't really had a solid interest since my obsessions with Harry Potter which eased up last year I suppose. I cannot even get into the fanfiction anymore and as a result I am getting more and more distressed as everything seems so empty and pointless.

I have to admit, my state has been erratic for weeks now, and I have had many days where I have felt what I would describe as almost suicidal...at a point where I cannot see much reason to stay here...Afterall, I am not achieving anything, I have no friends as such so I do not matter to anyone as far as I am concerned, and I cannot even get down to doing something useful for myself. I spend every day alone because I do not know anyone at all in this city...I used to talk to two people. One of them kept asking me for money almost everytime she saw me and wouldnt give me any peace, and the other took offence over a comment I made about the store she worked in being a ratrace, and told me to clear off.

I feel desperately lonely, yet unmotivated to join a society or club to try and resolve this. Those people I do want to know and make efforts to get to know, seem to be the ones who do not wish to know me or talk to me at all. I am trying to get over my strong feelings for a man I fell in love with over 8 months ago and who has consumed my thoughts for most of the last 8 months but who, in spite of my efforts, has steadfastly refused to speak to me at all and only gives out mixed signals. I wont go into detail on that here as it would take a whole page to tell the story, but it has me really down.

I am becoming totally obsessed with my body again, to a point I will do things like measure my waist over and over and over to be sure it is the same, and look in the mirror for an hour at a time to check I am the same size...so irrational of me really. I can honestly say I have not felt so isolated in a long time. I used to be okay with just a few housemates to talk to sometimes and my friends online, but I no longer have housemates, and few friends to chat to online. Just a rant I suppose, I don't know. I like my own company, but not quite to this degree. I do not seem to fit in anywhere I go. I always seem to put my foot in it somehow or single myself out in some way.

[spirited]

I know how you feel, dear. I will be your friend, I care about you. I feel the very same way you do, and it is hard trying to be on this planet, and trying to fit in. Are you in a Northern area? Do you get worse in the winter? I do, it could be seasonal affective disorder. This world was not designed for us, I am afraid. I am struggling just to figure out those simple social things. If you would like to PM me, feel free to, we can chat more.

[SomethingElse]

I have had severe depression and been suicidal as have many people, and the main thing to remember is that it passes. Even when it feels like i won't or you start to think you don't care if it passes or not, you just want out, it does pass.

Rather than having a negative obsession with your body, why not join a sport group (either self defence, or a running group, or some other kind of sport that groups get together to do) and maybe that will give you more body confidence (positive, rather than with the negative obsession) and you might also make some friends. I'm sure you could find something you'd be interested in, even if it's yoga rather than a sport per se (which is supposedly good for the mind as well).

[Belfast]

Afterall, I am not achieving anything, I have no friends as such so I do not matter to anyone as far as I am concerned, and I cannot even get down to doing something useful for myself. I spend every day alone because I do not know anyone at all in this city...

I've lived in this town for over 11 years, and I barely know anyone. I've never worked & feel chronically useless. I rely on appointments with my counselors each week to give me something worth leaving the apartment for, to help remind me my mind holds some appreciable insights for other people (albeit, professionals-not "recreational" friends).

I feel desperately lonely, yet unmotivated to join a society or club to try and resolve this. Those people I do want to know and make efforts to get to know, seem to be the ones who do not wish to know me or talk to me at all.

I sometimes say (this is a gross simplification) "all the interesting people are too busy bc. everyone wants to be w/them, and the only people with free time are the ones I don't want to hang around." I know it's more complex than that, but it sums up the tendency I perceive of those who are popular just become more so, and those who are not sought after remain isolated & unconnected. I'm at least as boring & annoying as I am appealing-I'm not the sort of person I'd want to spend time with.

I can honestly say I have not felt so isolated in a long time. I used to be okay with just a few housemates to talk to sometimes and my friends online, but I no longer have housemates, and few friends to chat to online. Just a rant I suppose, I don't know.

I'm no good at cheering anyone up, I can comiserate for what it's worth. I can distract people from their problems by talking about mine, but not everyone's receptive to what I have to say. It's unfortunate that your situation is as you describe. Any advice I might write would be things I can't make myself do, so I'll skip it. Want to socialize, but only with compatible persons-and haven't the tough skin to meet/interview strangers for prospective acquaintanceship. Can relate to where you're coming from-despite my circumstances being brightened by having a boyfriend (upon whom a heavy emotional burden is placed, being w/me).

[Graelwyn]

I know how you feel, dear. I will be your friend, I care about you. I feel the very same way you do, and it is hard trying to be on this planet, and trying to fit in. Are you in a Northern area? Do you get worse in the winter? I do, it could be seasonal affective disorder. This world was not designed for us, I am afraid. I am struggling just to figure out those simple social things. If you would like to PM me, feel free to, we can chat more.

Hi, yes I do seem to get worse in the Winter, although I was ok until around early January. It just seems to have been getting worse and worse as whereas before, I had a couple of people I spoke to locally, now there is no-one and I feel like something slightly disgusting due to the way the women responded to my accidentally offending her. She told other staff members about it, and so some look at me in what I perceive to be a hostile manner.

[Graelwyn]

I have had severe depression and been suicidal as have many people, and the main thing to remember is that it passes. Even when it feels like i won't or you start to think you don't care if it passes or not, you just want out, it does pass.

Rather than having a negative obsession with your body, why not join a sport group (either self defence, or a running group, or some other kind of sport that groups get together to do) and maybe that will give you more body confidence (positive, rather than with the negative obsession) and you might also make some friends. I'm sure you could find something you'd be interested in, even if it's yoga rather than a sport per se (which is supposedly good for the mind as well).

I was diagnosed with clinical depression at around 13 and put on prozac, but I turned away from all medications in about 1999. I had been put on so many different things, and some had horrible side effects which put me off taking anything again. I already do a lot of exercise, but alone. I am not a gym sort of person as I find I need to have a tv or something to watch while I exercise. I did used to consider martial arts or yoga but all classes cost and I am on incapacity benefits.

[Graelwyn]

Afterall, I am not achieving anything, I have no friends as such so I do not matter to anyone as far as I am concerned, and I cannot even get down to doing something useful for myself. I spend every day alone because I do not know anyone at all in this city...

I've lived in this town for over 11 years, and I barely know anyone. I've never worked & feel chronically useless. I rely on appointments with my counselors each week to give me something worth leaving the apartment for, to help remind me my mind holds some appreciable insights for other people (albeit, professionals-not "recreational" friends).

I feel desperately lonely, yet unmotivated to join a society or club to try and resolve this. Those people I do want to know and make efforts to get to know, seem to be the ones who do not wish to know me or talk to me at all.

I sometimes say (this is a gross simplification) "all the interesting people are too busy bc. everyone wants to be w/them, and the only people with free time are the ones I don't want to hang around." I know it's more complex than that, but it sums up the tendency I perceive of those who are popular just become more so, and those who are not sought after remain isolated & unconnected. I'm at least as boring & annoying as I am appealing-I'm not the sort of person I'd want to spend time with.

I can honestly say I have not felt so isolated in a long time. I used to be okay with just a few housemates to talk to sometimes and my friends online, but I no longer have housemates, and few friends to chat to online. Just a rant I suppose, I don't know.

I'm no good at cheering anyone up, I can comiserate for what it's worth. I can distract people from their problems by talking about mine, but not everyone's receptive to what I have to say. It's unfortunate that your situation is as you describe. Any advice I might write would be things I can't make myself do, so I'll skip it. Want to socialize, but only with compatible persons-and haven't the tough skin to meet/interview strangers for prospective acquaintanceship. Can relate to where you're coming from-despite my circumstances being brightened by having a boyfriend (upon whom a heavy emotional burden is placed, being w/me).

I had years of seeing councellors. It never did much good and I always felt as if they were looking down on me for having flaws, which is how I see this depression etc. I really envy those I see who can just totally lose themselves in studies or some other useful thing. You are lucky to have a bf, and I want one myself, but I tell myself it is better I do not inflict myself on one as I have too many issues, including my issues with being intimate.

[SomethingElse]

I have had severe depression and been suicidal as have many people, and the main thing to remember is that it passes. Even when it feels like i won't or you start to think you don't care if it passes or not, you just want out, it does pass.

Rather than having a negative obsession with your body, why not join a sport group (either self defence, or a running group, or some other kind of sport that groups get together to do) and maybe that will give you more body confidence (positive, rather than with the negative obsession) and you might also make some friends. I'm sure you could find something you'd be interested in, even if it's yoga rather than a sport per se (which is supposedly good for the mind as well).

I was diagnosed with clinical depression at around 13 and put on prozac, but I turned away from all medications in about 1999. I had been put on so many different things, and some had horrible side effects which put me off taking anything again. I already do a lot of exercise, but alone. I am not a gym sort of person as I find I need to have a tv or something to watch while I exercise. I did used to consider martial arts or yoga but all classes cost and I am on incapacity benefits.

My doctor was against meds due to my age, which I was thankful for in a way because I tend to not trust anyone who's idea of fixing things is to mask it with meds.

Someone once said to me that you have to make your own happiness. If you're finding excuses not to try things to improve your life then no one can help you. You can only help yourself.

[Sophist]

I know how you feel, dear. I will be your friend, I care about you. I feel the very same way you do, and it is hard trying to be on this planet, and trying to fit in. Are you in a Northern area? Do you get worse in the winter? I do, it could be seasonal affective disorder. This world was not designed for us, I am afraid. I am struggling just to figure out those simple social things. If you would like to PM me, feel free to, we can chat more.

Hi, yes I do seem to get worse in the Winter, although I was ok until around early January. It just seems to have been getting worse and worse as whereas before, I had a couple of people I spoke to locally, now there is no-one and I feel like something slightly disgusting due to the way the women responded to my accidentally offending her. She told other staff members about it, and so some look at me in what I perceive to be a hostile manner.

You know you may try some melotonin supplements. Melotonin and serotinin are very interelated so if you're noticing your regular depression worsening in the winter months, you may try that. Or even some of that lightbox therapy in the mornings.

[spirited]

I suffer from the seasonal affective disorder, the light box really does help, mine broke, though.

[Graelwyn]

I have always struggled a lot more in Winter, and on top of this, I have very bad issues with PMT which seem to be getting worse. I just do not want to bring it up with my gp and look like a total hypochondriac, given he is already organising my AS assessment. I suppose that reluctance goes back to a mother and an ex who would put any ailments I had down to hypochondria. So now, when I go to the doctor, or tell anyone of my problems, that is always in the back of my mind.

[Sophist]

I have always struggled a lot more in Winter, and on top of this, I have very bad issues with PMT which seem to be getting worse. I just do not want to bring it up with my gp and look like a total hypochondriac, given he is already organising my AS assessment. I suppose that reluctance goes back to a mother and an ex who would put any ailments I had down to hypochondria. So now, when I go to the doctor, or tell anyone of my problems, that is always in the back of my mind.

You don't need a prescription for melotonin to my knowledge. So if you wanted to try that, no need to tell your GP.

And exercise is a good natural antidepressant.

[odeon]

You need a prescription for it around here. I've been trying to get my doc to write one for me but he's /&/#¤ impossible to reach, it seems.

[Sophist]

You need a prescription for it around here. I've been trying to get my doc to write one for me but he's /&/#¤ impossible to reach, it seems.

Ah, that sucks, odeon.

[odeon]

I got his email address through an acquaintance, at last, but I'm not sure he'll be thrilled about me contacting him in that way. Their addresses are supposed to be secret.

But I really need the melatonin so I guess I don't care.