Gender Identity

[Belfast]

Another thing that scares me - maybe this is the female counterpart of the male "seeing what they deem a beautiful person and wanting to have sex with her" thing - is how women are all supposed to be wanting to have children and so on. I have zero desire to have children, and actually have an anti-desire towards the possibility. I hope it will change because my husband wants to have kids, but at the moment, I can't ever see it changing. It makes me very sad actually. Unfortunately no one ever takes what I say seriously, so I don't think he believes that it's just not possible :(

Could it be a hormone thing? I've noticed lately that my biological clock has decided to kick in to full gear (past year or so - and I'm 30 now). I'm trying to live vicariously through my best friend's baby though so I don't crave one too badly.

Intellectually, I don't want another child. But biologically my body has different ideas.

I'm 35 and still have no hankering to reproduce (nor do I feel anything but revulsion towards babies, infants, or kids). Am uncomfortable belonging to demographic (gender & age) with assumed expected fixations such as "females, especially once they hit that age, are interested in children". Nope nope nope, not me.

Makes it harder to find compatible acquaintances, since those in my theoretical "peer group" are not people with whom I share common priorities/occupation. People I used to be friends with turn into parents & I quickly lose touch with them, it's like they've joined a cult (or witness protection)-no offense intended, that's just my relative viewpoint. They become different people (which makes sense), but it's unfortunate on my end because I can't/won't follow the majority of other humans in doing that thing, surrendering my life to creating another being.

It (pregnancy plus parenting) doesn't appeal to me whatsoever-yet it seems like the general opinion of childless people is negative: pity or scorn, depending on whether it's accidental or intentional situation. I think in that way I'm judged with a double standard, if I were male my attitude/reaction (of disliking all children as a rule & not wanting to have my own) would be considered at least somewhat more "normal"/expected, but since I'm female this sort of sentiment is derided as pathological, abnormal, and unnatural.

Recently read Jessica Valenti's book "Full Frontal Feminism" and there were a bunch of facts & quotes (from people with whom I disagree strenuously) that were awful. I'm a liberal & so is the book's author, so this is what I'm reacting to (in case I sound too vociferous, that's why)-examples of what are (to me) offensively broad statements about how men & women are, from idiotic public figures.

[hesperus]

I don't want to reproduce either.

I've never wanted children. I used to get one ex insisting--and this was after we broke up--"Yes you do, you just don't know it, you're a woman".

Be glad it's an ex.

[beware_the_sluagh]

I've never wanted children. I used to get one ex insisting--and this was after we broke up--"Yes you do, you just don't know it, you're a woman".

I HATE that kind of thing - not just sexist, but really patronising and insulting too. There's a history of men thinking that women don't know what they're thinking, but men apparently do. How would the man know if even the woman doesn't know?!

[Sophist]

Ah, it's that wandering uterus that makes us hysterical so we don't know what we're talking about.

(Frankly, I wouldn't mind if my uterus wandered right out of my body and never came back. Good riddance.)

[Kaylis-Americanis]

(Frankly, I wouldn't mind if my uterus wandered right out of my body and never came back. Good riddance.)

LOL so true

[renaeden]

I am asexual and I have known it for a long time. I have tried sex and I really have no feelings about it. I think of it as something other people do, not me. I don't look on myself to be female or male, just a person. That is also the way I judge other people and I don't think that is a bad thing to do.

I have always thought that I would never have children, right from when I was a child myself. My twin sister used to say that she wanted lots of children, she now has three. My parents and sisters have never questioned me as to whether I would have kids, maybe they knew something about me that I did not?

If I look on this as could I have children, I am not sure of that either - my hormones are at low levels and I don't think I would be mentally stable to the degree of being able to support a child the way I would want to. If my child had a meltdown and screamed, I would likely do the same thing!

[Sophist]

If my child had a meltdown and screamed, I would likely do the same thing!

[Noctivagus]

It made me cringe.

I am male, unquestionably very heterosexual, and think of myself as a male because of the equipment I have. I do not mind referring to myself as a guy or male... but I cringe at the thought of calling myself a 'man' - even though I am a 42 year old male. I feel like I would if I was lying or claiming something for myself that is not true.

With me, this probably has absolutely nothing to do with Gender Identity... but I thought I'd mention it. I'm happy with my male gender, but very uncomfortable when called a 'man'.

I certainly don't feel female in the least... but I do not consciously feel male either. Not any confusion, but simply that it is not an issue I think about. I am comfortable with the word 'male' but very uncomfortable with the word 'man'. I find it a little uncomfortable even just using the word in this post.

EDIT: Ah I see I'm echoing other posts... serves me right for not reading the thread first.

[Noctivagus]

Maybe it is because I do not have sexual urges, which is generally how men are portrayed. I have never looked at a female and thought "She is good-looking/pretty". In fact the whole concept of the male ethos of seeing what they deem a beautiful person and wanting to have sex with her (usually solely on that intitial judgement of looks) is utterly baffling.

I do have sexual urges... thank goodness I'm married I love sex, but its more to do with intimacy and acceptance for me... and more to do with touch than sight. I find it relaxing... like exhaling breath I have held onto too long.

I do not equate thinking some woman is pretty and thus wishing to have sex with her. That is shallow. I do not like the look of women deemed to be beautiful... I like pretty, personally - but I do not link that to sexual desire. I like the visuals of people in general... though admittedly I find female nicer to look at (but I don't look in a gawping man way). Is more an asthetic appreciation.

I wish to be desired rather than to do one-sided desiring. I want to be wanted... and thank goodness I am. I have a wonderful woman who likes me for myself and wants to spend her whole life with me... she is a woman who I am proud of because she is a very worthwhile person.

EDIT: As for children... I've always wanted to have children... but even so I didn't know having children around would be as glorious and fantastic as the two wonderful children I have

[Sophist]

Is more an asthetic appreciation.

Exactly! Summed up nicely. This is what I feel. For me, however, those aesthetics can happen in either male or female.

[Noctivagus]

For me, however, those aesthetics can happen in either male or female.

Me also... but I simply prefer the female form. I generally prefer females in all things except one... I don't like having female bosses in the workplace... I find them harsh, sharp, unreasonable and irrational when in such a position. This is based on those I have encountered rather than any general prejudice against women in authority.

[adhocisadirtyword]

For me, however, those aesthetics can happen in either male or female.

Me also... but I simply prefer the female form. I generally prefer females in all things except one... I don't like having female bosses in the workplace... I find them harsh, sharp, unreasonable and irrational when in such a position. This is based on those I have encountered rather than any general prejudice against women in authority.

I think there's just a lot of bad managers out there. I've had some terrible female bosses and some terrible male bosses in my 30+ jobs. My two bosses right now (weird org chart for my position since I have a lot of different roles) are both excellent and one is female and the other is male. Go figure.

My worst boss ever was this total misogynist that hired people under the condition that they would spy on me and report back to him. He hated the fact that I spoke honestly and, by extension, sometimes made him look bad. In my mind, he shouldn't have been making promises that our team couldn't deliver just to make himself look better. He was also brought up on charges of sexual harassment in the workplace for a woman on his previous team, but HR didn't do anything about it.

A real winner that one.

I also had a lady who hired me specifically to fax "solicits" all day long (early in my career) and then yelled at me in front of the whole office when I quietly suggested to her that they maybe change the solicitation slightly to get more interest.

Whether or not my suggestion was valid (and I still think it was), I stated it politely and positively and there was no reason for the treatment received. I quit that place the moment something new was available -- I only worked there for 6 weeks.

[Sophist]

My last boss wasn't mean or anything. She just thought I was a total idiot.

[Kaylis-Americanis]

For me, however, those aesthetics can happen in either male or female.

Me also... but I simply prefer the female form.

I concur....but the opposite...I generally prefer males, but, as "The Todd" says {character from the sitcom Scrubs...lol} "The Todd aprreciates hot, regarless of gender."

Of course, substitute "The Todd" for "Kaylis", and there you go. Sorry about the adjective "hot," I'm not sure if that is on the edge of family-appropriate or not, and I've noticed people editing their thoughts to be Family Appropriate.

Also, sorry about the abundance of quotation marks in this post

[Belfast]

For me, however, those aesthetics can happen in either male or female.

Me also... but I simply prefer the female form.

I concur....but the opposite...I generally prefer males, but, as "The Todd" says {character from the sitcom Scrubs...lol} "The Todd aprreciates hot, regarless of gender."

Of course, substitute "The Todd" for "Kaylis", and there you go. Sorry about the adjective "hot," I'm not sure if that is on the edge of family-appropriate or not, and I've noticed people editing their thoughts to be Family Appropriate.

Also, sorry about the abundance of quotation marks in this post :lol:

I dig "The Todd" on Scrubs-manages to make character, that in real life I would loathe, enjoyable/entertaining.

I'm a "neck-up" person. I barely notice (am exaggerating to make point) the rest of body, relatively speaking. Am sexually attracted only to males, but I compile mental lists (and sometimes pictures if I come across one) of people who appeal to me visually, auditorily (his/her voice), emotionally, and/or intellectually.

So it's mostly about my reaction to the face of a person, and there are people of both genders that look especially good to me. Could go on about which people are "of interest" to my attention, but don't want to distract/detract from theme of thread. I don't get obsessed with individuals (familiar strangers, famous/public people), though-I just notice who I notice.