Comments/Tangential Topics/Etc.

[renaeden]

Thank you.

[Sophist]

Very interesting post, Mothra. It's a shame though that you got paddled for things you couldn't help.

[Sophist]

Kaylis, I think I tend to read too much into peoples' behavior too and it becomes problematic. Especially for people who aren't obviously effusive but are subtler in their reactions, it's sometimes really difficult not to think that I've done something wrong. (This of course is also a problem with my assuming it's always about me. )

[ruth]

BTS - I really enjoyed reading the newest addition to your case study. I think you are an extremely talented writer. I can totally identify with the way you describe daydreaming and it's impact on your life, but I never could have written it so brilliantly. I especially like the part where you say you kept a book handy to hide the fact that you were doing it from others, and not knowing if it was a good or bad thing to be doing. Totally awesome view into the mind of a day dreamer.

[SomethingElse]

I would have liked to read it because I'm a daydreamer (I used to 'come around' in school and realise I had no idea what we were meant to be doing all the time) but I couldn't because it was so long without any line breaks. If I find writing displeasing to look at it makes it harder for me to read it (if someone writes/types and leaves too many lines it also takes extra effort to read it).

I will try again later.

[beware_the_sluagh]

Thanks ruth I can hardly remember what I wrote, so I'm glad your experience was positive!

Benji - I know, it ended up so long and it was ugly and difficult for me to look at too!! I fully understand you finding it hard to read or not wanting to read it. I might go and try and put in some paragraphs or something. It was one of those things where when you're finished you wonder what the hell you just wrote and why there's so much of it...

Edit: I pressed enter a few times to make some new paragraphs, which helped a bit, but it obviously didn't help the fact that's it's still really long!!

[SomethingElse]

Well I would definitely be interested in reading it, so may give it a go now (I don't think it helps that for some reason I often come across longer posts when I'm either in a rush or tired, which of course means I can't just relax and read them properly!).

Thank you for bothering to make an effort to break up the writing a bit, though. You obviously didn't actually have to, so it was really nice of you. I appreciate it.

[beware_the_sluagh]

^ no problem. I guess I wrote it for reading so it only make sense for me to make it easy to do so

[SomethingElse]

I read it and I found it interesting.

I daydream on purpose, too, as a sort of fun 'activity' but quite a lot of the time it seems out of control. I daydream so much that it makes me late for things or makes me forget other things. Music does this, too. When listening to music I either need to finish the song, or I am daydreaming about the song and that also makes me late for things as I forget to continue to get ready, etc.

Not sure what the point of this post is, or whether I even really intended to just end it there, but I'm hungry and so can't really think properly.

[beware_the_sluagh]

I'm kind of glad that you identify with some of what I wrote, Benji - for my own sake obviously, as I'm not glad that it makes you late for things, etc
It's interesting what things other people share which are generally not talked about.

[beware_the_sluagh]

ahh, Noctivagus
I think your parents and teachers screwed you up real good. No matter what their aims and intentions, good or bad, telling someone they are failure or disappointment is harsh and cruel. You sound like a textbook case of internalisation of these things.
Hopefully you can realise your worth someday. And I'm glad you have the good sense to trust your wife's judgement!

[Sophist]

I've copied you, renaeden, and moved my answers to Kaylis' questions onto my case studies journal.

[renaeden]

I am also devastated to have ulterior or malicious motives attached to my actions or behavior when none exist. My words are often misunderstood, hence, clear communication is extremely important to me. Anger frightens me.

Wow ruth, this happens to me a lot. Especially with GA, I thought by now he would understand that I don't do the ulterior motives thing. He has said that he is used to other people doing it, though.

Anger does frighten me too. When I was growing up my dad was abusive and angry when drunk. So I get scared of drunk people as well.

I have had dissociative episodes in the past but not been diagnosed even though it is written in my hospital psychiatric notes. It has happened when I have not been on medication which makes it even scarier to me.

Thanks for your post.

[Sophist]

I am also devastated to have ulterior or malicious motives attached to my actions or behavior when none exist. My words are often misunderstood, hence, clear communication is extremely important to me. Anger frightens me.

Wow ruth, this happens to me a lot. Especially with GA, I thought by now he would understand that I don't do the ulterior motives thing. He has said that he is used to other people doing it, though.

I think there's some life lessons we (unfortunately) learn and no matter what we're told, how logically we understand it, it can be really hard to unlearn them. Maybe for GA, this is one of those lessons he's learned too well and unlearning it with you doesn't happen overnight.

Anger does frighten me too. When I was growing up my dad was abusive and angry when drunk. So I get scared of drunk people as well.

Ditto, anger scares me. Confrontation in general. I'm not exactly sure why, since it didn't happen all the time in my house. I mean, it was just me and my mother for the most part and there were definitely periods when she'd explode and scare the utter sh** out of me. But those episodes didn't happen all the time. I know when they did happen, they affected me and I did end up fearing her to some extent, because she'd hold back for so long and when she finally DID explode she exploded BIG TIME. But it would happen only maybe a handful of times any given year. But I'm not exactly sure why I fear confrontation quite to the extent I do...

[ruth]

Quoting Renaeden:

Wow ruth, this happens to me a lot. Especially with GA, I thought by now he would understand that I don't do the ulterior motives thing. He has said that he is used to other people doing it, though.

Yes, my husband often accuses me of "setting up" a situation, purposely acting in a way that will elicit a certain response or reaction by/from him. It's extremely frustrating, to put it lightly, coming from him as you would think he would know me better. But I should add, that he does this with other people too, so he is suspicious of people's motives in general.

Anger does frighten me too. When I was growing up my dad was abusive and angry when drunk. So I get scared of drunk people as well.

Ah, yes. My dad liked his whiskey too, and sometimes when drunk he became a wonderful, funny, dancing and charming man - but other times he became abusive, especially to me, as I was the oldest and female. His real anger was with my mom, but it was directed at me when she was not home.

I have had dissociative episodes in the past but not been diagnosed even though it is written in my hospital psychiatric notes. It has happened when I have not been on medication which makes it even scarier to me.

I'm not sure I agree with my doctor about dissociative amnesia. I positively don't think that I was sexually abused and my memory gaps, I believe, are fairly normal for someone growing up in a chaotic, dysfunctional family headed by alcoholic parents.
Quoting Sophist:

I think there's some life lessons we (unfortunately) learn and no matter what we're told, how logically we understand it, it can be really hard to unlearn them. Maybe for GA, this is one of those lessons he's learned too well and unlearning it with you doesn't happen overnight.

I agree with this observation of how a way of thinking, or perceiving the motives of others can be ingrained and carried as baggage into future relationships. In my husband's case, growing up in a family of 12 children (he was 3rd in line) it was a mindset of "Every man for himself" and there was a lot of manipulation going on in order to make sure one got their fair share of basic necessities like food, clean, warm clothing, a bed or a space in a bed, and so on. It was like living in a commune without the altruism. There was little privacy and little private property, there was a lot of pilfering and secret stock-piling of coveted items like pork chops and socks. Naturally one would be suspicious and guarded against being set up by a shifty sibling.