Thx for the suggestions to use LiveJournal etc. - I'm going to check that out immediately! Writing definitly is one of the keys. And self awareness for her will be an ongoing thing.
We are very lucky to have a set up that absolutely allows for time alone - we have 2 apartments side by side, staff are based out of the other apartment so it has always been a tool we've been able to use and personal space is something that is stressed. Currently we have entire shifts go by with little interaction.. getting us through the short-term. However there is an element of avoidance - can't get to know someone if you consistantly ignore them, therefore the "getting to know you" phase goes on and on. Also, fortunately, is that she does value certain kinds of physical exercise (indeed has successfully lost weight over the last 4 years). Even after 3-4 years of tracking trends... we are still struggling to find "the" pattern.
When we've sat down to talk about the situation - and I explained the potential consequence, and ask her to describe it back to me... usual response is a shrug and "I know" - which I'm always worried means that she is avoiding really considering the possible outcome. This seems to be where I need to focus.
I think the ultimate solution is to clone! Those that she feels comfortable with will be cloned...
anyway, moving on...
Thx for your input. This website has allowed me a small peak into her world and I find that I am learning all the time... the longer I'm in the field, the more I know that I know very little.