My foster brother may have AS...

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My foster brother may have AS...

Postby Maddysig on Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:42 pm

Hi, I'm really glad I found this website for two reasons: I am doing Asperger's for a research project, and I also have a dear friend who may have it. I myself don't have any form of AS or anything but I was wondering if anyone could maybe help me out?

First off...I'm 16 and I have a foster brother, nearly 16, Asian, with a traumatic childhood, which is why I hesitate in assuming anything (the school made the proposition for him to get tested). We have managed to fall in love, but that's beside the point here.
All the stereotyped lists of behavior I find, he habits almost all of them: little empathy, resistance to change (to the extreme), difficulty with eye contact (even though he is Asian- I know his brother who is fine), very intelligent, symmetrical and picky, is not 'realistic', the vacant face/monotone...When I first met him in October 2009 he would sit with angular body positions, head down and turned away; he would refuse to make eye contact or be touched. He would also find it difficult so interact with others and often didn't want to. Since he has been here for three months, though, now he's more comfortable with eye contact, although that might just be with me..he offers hugs now, and even initiates social things with his friends. He can miss some of their hints and sometimes he will just plow on in what he's saying (but they're rough-talking boys who can also be insensitive, only they know the effect they will have on another person).

Something I wonder about is his consistency. He is extremely sure of himself and who he is, yet what he says about himself one day may be very different the next. If I ever quote him on what he said about himself, he denies it and apparently doesn't know what I'm talking about. Also, he is quite hostile, especially with authority (although he has been through an awful lot with Social services) and does not care about offending or hurting others.

The most important thing is that he Hates school. (It's too easy/dumb, the noise bothers him, he doesn't care about being educated). For the past 5 years he has skipped school as much as possible and therefore been in court 3 times; he was sent to training school twice. He'll be going on a third round if he doesn't go to school for just One month and do some work; after that, his mother will be able to sign him out of school forever. Yet he refuses to go and complete one month and doesn't seem to understand/care that he'll get taken away and will have to repeat again. Mostly this is because he doesn't care and doesn't want to give the authority the satisfaction of bossing him around, but also I think it's control over others trying to control him..... He's more than my little brother, I am extremely protective of him and want the best for him, always, and I don't expect anything in return; and mostly I just love him for who he is and everything that he does and couldn't face having him taken away for months/years...

Does anyone have any idea of how I can coax him into trying at school just for a little while? I am quite desperate by now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :D
Thanks for your time!!
It seems this is where I was meant to be from the start.
Maddysig
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Re: My foster brother may have AS...

Postby Aspen on Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:40 am

Hi Maddysig and welcome to Gestalt.

I wonder if there is a way that the noise could be made more tolerable for him, since this is one of his biggest problems with school?

Does he like to listen to music at all?

Maybe he could use some noise blocking headphones or earbuds either alone or with some music he likes coming through.

Maybe you could explain to him how important education is to his future, if you haven't already.
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Re: My foster brother may have AS...

Postby goddessoflubbock on Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:09 am

A lot of his behaviors could also be written off to his history. Children who don't find help from adults often rebel against authority. The need for consistency an attempt to control his world, to know from one day to the next how things will be.

It would be good if he could be evaluated. Is he getting any kind of counselling?
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Re: My foster brother may have AS...

Postby Maddysig on Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:28 pm

Thanks; yes he listens to music and usually gets in trouble for wearing his headphones in class, if he goes. The school is very accomodating but it might be a while until he gets approval from the city. Until then, if he did wear sound-blocking headphones, it would probably bring a lot of attention in a class of 25, and he hates people bothering him.

He's had phsychologists and counsellors and been to a mental institution hospital, but they're all distracted by his dark hostility which I think is more due to his history. More importantly, he's on social services and dole so the city pays for counsellors and lawyers and his social worker is an annoying lady who doesn't care for/about him at all. He'll be evaluated as soon as possible; my mum is really pushing for it.

Do people with Aspergers have an impulse to do the opposite of what they're told? I had another friend with it, a girl, who was extremely stubborn and the more we tried to help her the more she resisted. Is this typical, and if so is there any way around it?

Thank you for suggestions and I am open to more (:
It seems this is where I was meant to be from the start.
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Re: My foster brother may have AS...

Postby Aspen on Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:08 pm

I think that opposing changes is pretty common for people with AS.

I don't think this necessarily means that the person is stubborn, but I guess they could be stubborn in addition to not wanting changes.

Transitions (stopping one activity to go to another) can be very difficult, even if the transitions are pleasant ones.

Sometimes, making gradual changes if that is possible and warning people about the transitions before they happen can help.
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Re: My foster brother may have AS...

Postby Maddysig on Thu Mar 18, 2010 12:01 am

Thank You (:
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