Charlie wrote:One thing that I hadn't really contemplated until now about translated works is the translator needs to be a good author themselves so as not only translate the work but also still keep in the expressive style and flow of the original piece, which may otherwise be lost in the translation.
I have just read the first piece now, and it does create various images. One thing I would say reading it is that the pace does not seem right at the beginning - it seems too stop start in the scene setting phase with lots of short, sharp sentences, which could be improved by possibly merging/re-jigging a few of them as it is a little bit of an effort to read otherwise. Of course I do not know if the original is like this, but it was just a comment on how it worked in English to me. For example, the sentence "The shadows of the cypresses climbed quickly towards the top of the wall." seems lost in the middle of the paragraph and doesn't quite feel right to read - maybe it just needs a short ending to it like "as the sun sank". Personally I would also remove the "The" from the start of the sentence which start "The swallows" (and merge it with the next sentence with an "and") and possibly also "The fire lilies" as this softens the reading and gives it a nicer flow to reading and dramatic emphasis. (I am not criticising the translation, just raising how written English texts normally have more quirks in how sentences are constructed. I hope this did not come across as harsh, as it was not meant to be - it is meant to be friendly)
That aside, I enjoyed the story very much - thanks for translating it and posting it here.
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